If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy

Driving home past 10pm last night from a concert, I passed a church on a very busy street. As many churches do, it has posted a witty "proverb" to stimulate the thoughts of rushing commuters. "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy".

This is definitely me, this month. I feel like I am currently at mile 18 of a marathon and I am running out of steam. No amount of GU or gatorade is going to help me at this point, it is all fight or flight.

I know that exercise and eating right will help fight illness and fatigue, but where does sleep and low stress play into it? Where is the happy balance of those four things in the midst of complete chaos? Perhaps it IS in prayer. Perhaps the fatigue and illness are God's way of intervening in a life of busy nothingness, pushing us to idle everything. So why is it that I (we?) ignore sickness, stress, restless sleep, eating habits and forsake exercise and press on in our busy life of activity? Is it because when we truly have the time that we feel overwhelmed by the void of inactivity?

How can we change the world if we are so busy that we let it overwhelm us?

In the vast expanse of internet, the google search "busy prayer" gets over a million hits, but this link was just the answer, for right now.

Prayer for a Busy Day
In the midst of this most busy day,
I want to offer to you, most patient Spirit of God,
the poverty of my time. I always feel so rushed
and pressured, and it sometimes seems as if I think
that only the hours of this one day are limited.
Yet I forget that the hours of a lifetime are limited too.
So please slow me down, you patient God,
and help me to be aware that every moment is precious,
and that the sum total of my moments
on this earth are limited and so to treasure them
each and every one.

-- from the sermon " In Praise of Poverty"
by The Rev. Margaret B. Gunness.

Be careful, its addictive

Our incredible, amazing, and talented tech teacher at school has just given me a new reason to be off-task, but in an thoughtful and forward thinking way. Ninging I have now found yet another way to connect to the global community through technology, but this way just happens to be purposeful and meaningful (unlike, I feel, the social/teen focused MySpace).

In the last 18 hours, I have joined three ning communities: Global Education, WeAreTeachers, and NextGen Teachers. Each with its own purpose, but a common theme of reaching across the digital divide and making connections to improve teaching and learning in a global way. Woo Hoo. That sounds good to me.

I often feel isolated in my little sweet cubbie of a classroom, but I realize now that if I reach out through this global community that perhaps I will find others out there who wish to use technology, new methods, or just make human connection as best possible through fiberoptic cable.

I'm thinking I need to start my own ning...music teachers unite perhaps?

Beware, ning connections might cause global advancement of teaching and encourage you to become a better teacher and a more open minded individual....Use with caution.

Peace.

Will I ever go back?

This weekend was all planned out Friday night with husband, Saturday race with kids, Saturday night with sister, Sunday morning ride/run and then church. I made it through to Saturday night and then illness took hold. To the point where I slept like a teenager in a growth spurt, until 10:30. No bike ride/run and definitely no church.

It has been a long time since I have been to church on a regular basis. Of course, I went for Palm Sunday and Easter to my Mom's church, but it is not my favorite place because of years of baggage. We spent some of the winter month's attending the Catholic church, but I cannot get over some basic tenets of Catholicism that I think are plain wrong. Plus, husband did not really want to go there, it was just what felt comfortable as the worship of his youth.

I love God. I know that when I seek out God through prayer and worship...through study and song that I am a stronger, more focused individual. So why is it that church has such negative feelings or lack of initiative for me right now? Our experiences as a pre-married/married couple at our parish ended up being so negative that dear husband may never return to the Episcopal church. I was so hurt by his hurt by so-called Christians, that I certainly do not want to return to that parish. But starting a new is such a tedious process. You simply must want to do it in order for it to be accomplished. Church is not going to come out and get you. You have to go out and knock. Jesus said "Seek and ye shall find" He meant you have to seek. It won't just drop on your doorstep. A relationship with a church community doesn't just go poof.

And once again, the burden lies upon us. We must take time, effort, and courage to walk into the doors of a new place. We will be self protecting, of course, to not be drawn into a community only to see its horns of racism, elitism or fundamentalism. But, at the same time, we must open our minds to worshipping in a community that will not be uptopian. To find a community in which we can rejoice in God's goodness, fellowship with others, and serve for the greater good while at the same time acknowledging and accepting its flaws.

The journey of faith is not finite. The love of God does not cease because one does not walk into a house of worship. This particular stop on the road, or hover, is not an end point, but merely a new beginning. I will go back to church and I will take the first step on the new road.

I'm just not there yet. And it is ok.

Peace.

Go Hokies!

So the bloodshed at VT is all we have collectively been hearing about on the news since Monday. Rightfully so, a horrific and tragic event that has sent families into mourning, and students/educators/parents into an odd mixture of fear, guilt, and sadness. I have watched the images, the interviews. I have read the timelines, the eye-witness accounts and the commentary. However, I wonder why the need for the public "Monday morning quarterbacking" of all of our nation's media. I find it abhorrent that before the deceased were even publically named, television hosts were insinuating that the school had made the wrong choice by not going to lock down, by keeping campus open. Hindsight is 20/20 and during the initial period of grief and fear, it is completely inappropriate. I was so pleased with the articulate and thoughtful VT students who, when speaking to Matt Lauer, Anderson Cooper and the like, were quick to refrain from judgements against the schools decision-making process and quick to return the conversation to the positive aspects of the VT community. These students are the reason that VT will recover from this tragedy and once again thrive as a close-knit intellectual community.

My other thought in the midst of all of this is our response, particularly as educators and parents, to the warning signs exhibited by those who become school murderers. The media is clearly articulating that this particular murderer fit the tell-tale profile. A former professor of the shooter is now coming out to say that she had alerted officials and law enforcement to no avail. Again, doing some hindsight analysis, but how DO we as educators identify elements in our students that are beyond a "little odd". Is it within our understanding or training to recognize when a student is beyond "different" and in the realm of "psychopath". In an age where we are quick to label children for all sorts of disorders with all sorts of names (ADD, ADHD, ED, LD, BD, MR = IEP, LRE, 504 etc....)Are we reticent to admit to ourselves or our educational community that behavior that is anti-social can lead itself to that of violent? Are we fearful of labeling kids who demonstrate such behaviors for fear that we will further alienate their sensitive souls?

I do not have the answers, just merely the questions. At the end of this time to question, I shall continue to pray. For healing for the VT family, for patience and acceptance for those who which to judge the actions of the leadership, and for peace to the minds of troubled young men and women out there who see no other escape from their pain than to hurt others.

Peace of the Lord be always with you.

So this is what a hot dog feels like...

I wore my wetsuit for the first time today in water. It was an amazing floaty feeling! However, dry land in my wetsuit truly helps me understand what it must feel like to be a sausage or a hot dog. I think I may never be able to look at them the same way again!

Overcoming Fear

As I continue on this journey towards joining the pack known as Triathletes, I find myself having more and more mixed feelings. The perfectionist in me wants to be good at each sport right away and then build up to a semi-competitive state. However, the reality I must face is that on the bike, I down right suck. My muscles that propel me through the water and push me step by step on the road, just do not function the same when attached to 30 pound metal and chain contraption.

Sports psychologists (and regular ones for that matter) talk a lot about positive self-talks. There is even an article in Runner's World this month that talks about mantras. I think that if I'm telling myself I suck on the bike, of course I will suck on the bike. Then there is that whole fear of falling down.

My dear friend (a soon-to-be IRONWOMAN!) went for an easy ride with me this week and said "what will happen if you fall down?". I went on to describe that honestly, even my slow yet bloody and scary crash last summer wasn't all that bad, we still finished the ride. So what is it I'm afraid of exactly? The speed, the wind, the cars, the left turns from a complete stop? Why is it that my cadence is so incredibly slow?

Perhaps it is fear that if I work really hard at this that I will reach a level similar to that in swimming and running, where I have to work even harder to maintain mediocrity?

Perhaps it is not fear of failure, but rather fear of success?

Children will listen...

Conversations in the last few days have led me be very cognizant of my speech. I have been very disconcerted at the words adults have used to describe each other and children. I have been made uncomfortable by the language used in the presence of colleagues, parents, strangers, and even, our children.

I believe that all children should be spoken to so they may understand. I also believe that as teachers, it is imperative that we hold onto the notion that all children are good. Don't get me wrong, children do make bad choices, but children are not bad. They are learning and growing, trying and failing, succeeding and sliding all at the same time. They are pawns to the circumstances in which they have been born and we must raise them up, through our example, our teaching, our learning, and our love.

With that said, we as educators must use language with our children and each other that is reflective of that belief. I don't just mean refraining from foul language, because that is just a small piece. But as we speak of children,we should use words that build them up, address their issues with hope, and validate their worth. When we speak in the presence of children we should be models for behavior and character.

Careful what you say, Children will listen (Into the Woods)....