Just Keep Swimming

Dory in Finding Nemo has the best attitude ever. Her mantra of Just Keep Swimming was definitely with me as I hit the cold water hard and fast at 5:15am this morning.

Embracing a new training schedule is always a little daunting, but two-a-days, bricks, and 5:15 am M-Th would have to border on insanity. Only three weeks into this whole shebang (and just two into the true tri schedule) and I am feeling surprisingly well. Approaching training from a completely different perspective has truly made me appreciate each new physical skill I gain or sharpen.

I have been out of the pool for 11 years, which is as many as I spent in it as a child. I have embraced my love of chlorine smell with full force and have felt a freedom that never truly manifests itself in roadrunning. Being in water and using my arms and legs to thrust myself up and down feels natural, comfortable, peaceful. Though I have to push to maintain speed or form, it is a great joy. As if I have been transported to another time or place and not here in this cold pool at O'dark:30.

This training will prove a very hard task for me, but with the feeling obtained by a few short laps in the pool, I will certainly "just keep swimming".

Who is welcome? Aren't we all?

I find myself, like every Christian or frankly any religious practioner at some point, at a major crossroads of faith practice. I do not question the existence of God, my belief in the birth, life, death, and resurrection of His son Jesus Christ, nor do I question the need for spiritual practice, being a part of a faith community or faith and good works. However, I find myself at this difficult place of how to practice and which community with which to practice.

As a cradle Episcopalian, I have only a few small diversions of the Anglican path, a short stint as a Presbyterian while in Kansas City (a great experience, but not a lifetime commitment) and six months amongst a non-denominational contemporary community (great worship, but like an onion, you must peel the layers to reveal the true aroma...) Now, having married a lapsed Catholic, being angered at my local Episcopal parish (NOT the church as a whole), and trying to complete a very full training schedule while working full time, I have found myself without a church home and struggling to find my place as a Christian. I am not the first Christian to struggle with finding the right theological and liturgical fit, I will not be the last. But it does weight on my heart so heavily.

I have attended the Catholic church many times in the last two months, with very devoted and educated Catholic friends, and have found moving and thoughtful preaching. But, as I am not a Catholic, I am often led to deep sorrow as we reach the time of Eucharist and I am not considered worthy to receive. Having been a part of an amazing inclusive community of the Episcopal church, it is unfathomable to me to be denied a place at the Lord's table for not following the same catechism or even if I have faithful beliefs, not being welcomed because I have not taken a course or completed a ritual. I often find myself wondering, didn't Jesus teach us to love and embrace all? Did he perform the Last Supper with his friends to teach us to do the same in remembrance of Him, but only if you are a member of this denomination? Did He sacrifice His life on the cross for all of our sins, or just those who follow a particular catechism, be it Catholic, Protestant, or Protestant-Evangelical?

On the flip side, I hesitate to return to a non-denominational setting as I have yet to find one that, once you peel the layers, is truly inclusive. I am so terribly uncomfortable with the "God doesn't change...Jesus hates gay people...the only issue in the church is gay marriage....we vote republican, if you're a christian you do to" mentality that is held by so many evangelical Christians today. Andrew Sullivan puts it best when he says "There are very orthodox believers who nonetheless respect the freedom and conscience of others as part of their core understanding of what being a Christian is."
As a believer in Christ, I do not see how it is Christian to not respect all of God's people and welcome anyone who wishes to seek God to our Lord's table? There are those who are incredibly firm in their faith practice and beliefs but understand that Jesus first taught us to love one another.

I shall not abandon my faith thought this step on the journey. I will not question the foundations, but must study further the theology, liturgy, catechism and whatever else you would like to name it behind the different versions of Christian community. Hopefully, through prayer and patience, the way will be made clear and my family will be led to a new church home.

In the meantime, I hold fast to the belief that regardless of one's espousing or pontifications that we are simply told to love one another.

Connections.

I started a new grad class last night and am so incredibly excited to have a professor who is thoughtful, knowledgeable, and organized. I can tell just by the first meeting that this class will be challenging, encouraging, and awakening for me.

As it was the first night, there was much talking and paperwork to attend to, and of course, the traditional first class "icebreaker". As we did our partner interviews and presented, it was quite amazing to see the connections between our small class of 11.

For example, I run marathons, so has another classmate who ran one for TNT which supports cancer research, another classmate is a cancer survivor. Then, a classmate said that she attended Barton College, not only is Barton my middle name, but I have a friend who attended Barton College (which is a very small college...). Next to find that a classmate has been on safari to Kenya, as I have been on Safari to Kenya. While these might seem silly and not so unique, they make lovely points of connections.

The most interesting connection between almost all of us is our greatest source of pride. All but two of us cited moving away from home and living away from friends and family to establish our independence as a proud moment. (The other two, cited their families as their source of pride) I find this fascinating as I believe that our life's travels are what give us the greatest education we could find.

Our class topic is change. We will study and apply change processes within the realm of school reform. I certainly think that our wealth of connections to each other and the world around us will bring great discussion and insight as we tackle the issues of change in our educational settings.

After a disappointed start to my journey in graduate education, I'm so pleased to have finally found a place amongst those eager to learn and eager to teach!

Life is a Highway...

My three and a half year old neice is obsessed with the movie Cars. It is kind of cool that she is obsessed with this movie rather than say, a princess or barbie movie...The other day I was driving her (and her sister) in her mother's car and she asked for "Real Gone" on the cd player (the Sheryl Crow song to which she knows all the words, such good taste she has....) and she said "play Life is a Highway next". Alas, I could not find it on the mix cd of Disney hits, but I have not been able to get Life is a Highway out of my head.

Though the words of the song, except the chorus, escape me completely, it is the title that strikes me as so poignant at this time in my life. My life in the last ten years has taken me up and down many highways, perhaps more than the average quarterlifer+. I have traversed I-70 more times that I care to mention to and from Kansas City, Missouri for four and a half years in college, though I must say that taking 64 is much more beautiful through the horse fields of Kentucky. Taking these roads showed me non-black and white cows for the first time, it showed me more sky than I knew existed, it showed me a world of people who are committed to their faith and will not be told anything else. It showed me greatest friendships, simpler life, and frankly, a lot of beer. That road was the first development of my independence and the beginning of my faith walk.

A quick detour up 71 took me to a teeny little town in Iowa. The loneliest (up to that point) I had ever felt. Living a life of absolute cookie cutter consistency. Wake Up, Eat, Drive, Work, Gym, Home. (church, choir Thursdays and Sundays, movies @ 2 on Sunday). I learned in this instance the beauty of being alone with God. This particular highway had me realize that I was not willing to settle in my life for what was easy or content. I'm so very glad to have taken an exit off this road quickly. Then just a quick trip down 71 and 29 I found my way back to a different kind of contentment. I learned of great teachers at during my exit in Kansas City. I also gained a true love of worship music, which I still love today. But perhaps, the greatest thing I gained on my last exit in the Midwest was my first steps of running. They were not fast, and they certainly were not consistent or enduring, but they were the earliest building blocks of my life changes ahead.

Then came the year on the road. 3000 miles across from Washington, DC to Los Angeles, California. I have written extensively about this in other places that have lost their way in the abyss of the internet, but to cap the highlights. The first exit off of "The 10" taught me about diversity, being awash in the culture of Los Angeles was more eye opening to me than I could have imagined. On this stop, I also became star-struck several times, spent a lot of time in traffic and semi-conquered a fear of heights by living on the 20th floor with a floor to ceiling window (have you seen Fight Club? My apartment was blown up.....).

The next exit on the year on the road was Austin. I learned to love to run in Austin. Truly loved to run (and scull, even if for only a short time). Running became my refuge in a place where I was demoralized on a regular basis. I learned that a truly that diversity can exist in the same sentence as educated, that martyrs are sometimes more appreciated that efficient, hard workers, and that seeing someone carry a hand gun in their briefcase is frightening.

The almost final exit on my tour of duty led me to a place I hope never to return in Ohio. If I felt demoralized in Texas, I didn't know what would hit me until I came to Ohio. Again, running became my refuge. I came to the realization in this place that people can become content with mediocrity, that incompentence can be justified if it fits a racial quota, and that many who claim to be educators are merely bureaucrats in comfortable shoes. A redeeming value to this stop, my first marathon. Long, slow, painful. Joyous, proud, and bitten (by the bug to race long that is...)

As I have spoken of before, my next road in life's journey led me back to California. IT was here that I realized that family had to be first, being in a classroom with children was more important to me that being a talking head, and that if you truly love something, you must set it free. I also learned that just because you live at the beach, doesn't mean you go.....

My journey back across I-70 and home to my family has brought me so many rich blessings. Returning to the thros of education, both public and independent has made me realize that God has given me such a gift. I get to spend my working days with kids, the most amazing people on the planet. I have also come to realize that if I missed any more time from my neices' childhood that I would come to regret the loss. Watching these two girls grow and change is incredible and I hope a good model for me when I decide to embrace motherhood. My running has changed since I have come home too. A different blessing in all of its own, new health, new friends, and a confidence that comes from knowing that I can achieve great things with hard work and the support of others.

My life could not have been as rich if I had not taken that highway ten years ago. The roads have been long, I've watched the seasons change in many states. I have seen the highest mountains, the hottest deserts, the great plains, and the deep blue sea. God's creation is a marvel, God's people are a gift, and God's plan is not always straight and narrow. Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long.

It takes all kinds

As I sit here in an airport, awaiting a connection, I'm acutely aware that it takes all kinds. What I mean is, that in this country we have all kinds. Tall, short, fat, thin, well dressed, frighteningly dressed, well-behaved children, children running amuck, people on cell phones, people with laptops, black, white, brown, red hair, blond hair, black hair, high heels, flip flops, baseball caps, and yes, even a man dressed as Santa complete with an elf and two reindeer. Yes, coming to the aiport reminds me, more than any other place, that we have all kinds here.

It almost brings me out of my comfort zone, not just because I don't like crowds, but because we, by our human nature, are not comfortable amongst differences. As I think to my last post of loving one another regardless of any difference, the airport is the critical venue in which to put this into place. For example, finding the toddler without pants on amusing instead of irresponsible (the parents, that is...), finding the differences in languages intriguing instead of frustrating, and at this time of the year, embracing the families traveling together for the holidays despite their lack of understanding of how to travel.

I heard an article on NPR the other day about whether or not this country is ready for a black president (Barack Obama) or a woman president (Hillary Rodham Clinton). It seems to me that it would be an absolute shame to negate either. Not Senators Obama or Clinton directly, but a person of color or a female. We are a country of immense diversity, perhaps more than any other country in the world. Yet, our leaders in government and business remain predominately wealthy, white men. Don't get me wrong, our country was founded by a bunch of white men, of this I'm quite aware. But in our age of vast diversity and continually colorful population, what does it say to the world that we do not choose to put minorities (women included) into our highest levels of office? Does it say that we put less value in the abilities and character of these men and women? Does it say that we don't believe that they are right for the job? Does it say that we are still stuck in a 200 year old belief that rich, white men are the best for the job?

Shall we not look to the history of our world colleagues and their leaders as examples? Margaret Thatcher and Angela Merkel provide us with examples of female leadership in countries of world power. We have finally broken the glass ceiling as Congresswoman Pelosi will take reign of the Speaker's chair in January (where consequently, they will have to build a new bathroom for women...). We have seen exemplary leadership in Gen. Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice, ascending the the position of Secretary of State (not to mention Madeline Albright, a female immigrant holding the post). So I pose the question, if not now, when? When will the time come for the U.S. to stand up and realize that it takes all kinds. If we are truly a representative government, than we must have upper echelons of power that represent the demographics of our country.

It takes all kinds.

The Most Important Thing

I took this interesting class several years ago called The Skillful Teacher. It was interesting because I couldn't believe that teachers who were actual practiconers of their subjects were actually be required to take a basic methods and strategies course. It seemed to me that most of what was taught should have been intrinsic to being a good teacher. However, It refreshed my memory to some cool and interesting techniques after being out of the classroom for several years. It also introduced me to a few strategies that I had never used. This was also helpful.

My favorite summarizer that we learned was called "The Most Important Thing". During a lesson, the teacher expresses the most important fact about a particular subject. The teacher proceeds with the lesson, providing a variety of facts, opinions, etc and so forth, but always returns to TMIT. At the end of the lesson the children complete a TMIT chart to recall their information learned.

I think that in life we should have a Most Important Thing. It changes (back to that change again, huh?) through time perhaps, or maybe it just grows more clear or manifests itself in different ways, I'm not sure. I see that The Most Important Thing is to love one another. Obviously, this is seems trite. But a colleague today reminded me that TMIT is to love one another, unconditionally and not in spite of our differences but because of them.

I teach music, general and choral. But, if I never got to teach music again and simply spent all of my days teaching my children to love on another, that to me would be TMIT. I want my children to know that regardless of what they do, how they act, or anything of superficial matters, that they are loved.

So, here is my chart:

The Most Important Thing in life is to LOVE ONE ANOTHER,
and live a healthy lifestyle,
and balance work and play,
and rejoice in our blessings,
and share our blessings with others,
but The Most Important thing in life is to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Peace

Yes, Change is Hard.

I decided on a new bumpter sticker slogan yesterday that I am starting to embrace as my life mantra: If it sucks, fix it. If you don't like it, stop complaining and do something.

Much has of my life has been spent in strict aversion to change. Kicking, screaming, tantrums, whining, complaining, and bargaining to not make changes. Most of this aversion stems from fear; of failure, or even worse, of success. But in the last few years, as I have traveled from state to state, job to job and company to company, I have realized that change has become easy for me. And that I have a low tolerance for those who stick to the unacceptable status quo just to avoid change.

Change is scary. Despite the best laid plans, it is a journey into unchartered territory, a leap of faith. But that does not excuse an inability to change or even consider change for the betterment of others. Being stuck in one's ways is not always best, nor does it always benefit.

Change is not easy. But if everything in life were easy we would miss some of the sweetest moments around us.

Some examples:

Change: Moving across the country to Cali for a job. Result: An amazing husband

Change: Getting off the couch and going running Result: Health, pride, enjoyment, new friends

Change: Quitting a job at a public school and going to a private school Result: Support, renewed joy of teaching

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world"-Ghandi

Change is hard, but change is worth it.

Peace....