about not getting worked up.

I get worked up about a lot of things. (Insert you, dear readers who know me, saying "duh") Lately, I have been getting so worked up that it has started to bubble and I've become a version of myself that I don't particularly like. (ooh bad grammar...alas, press on.) I have found that bitterness is welling up in my like Vesuvius and I'm not quite sure what will happen when it pops. I have been a drain on my friends and family and I'm not proud of it.

I read this blog post today from Cool Cat Christian which made me have a momentary realization of my current state of being. Pow! Convicted. Totally Me. So here I am, finally sitting after a 12 hour day which included working, class, and dealing with the horrifying safeway pharmacy, and though I should be packing, I am meandering upon being the Dead Sea.

"why don't you just find something to be positive about in the morning", said the wise woman as I went on a diatribe about my feelings on the election, state of testing in schools, accountability of humans to one another, or whatever benign topic I had chosen. That was when I realized I needed a break from being mad. I decided to unplug from my morning NPR because I knew I would get worked up. I knew I had to tread the blog and pundit waters with trepidation this morning so that I would not get worked up. I knew I couldn't think too hard about my career path or relationship status because I would get uber-worked up. But alas, I decided to go to pick up my prescription and alas, got worked up. Darn I had made it almost 10 hours with generally feeling calm-ish.

But that Dead Sea thing really hit me about mid day. It was in reading it that I have come to realize the negative repercussions that I must be having on my dear friends and family. I know that I have lost really important things, the biggest and most important thing next to God, because of myself. So how can I fix myself and this whole "passionate about everything" problem?

Paul tells us in his letter to the Philippians: "Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 4:8.

So I suppose my question is--How to let go? How to think upon these things and let the rest fall away? I suppose that is the essence of faith. Casting those things upon the Lord. Oh, but faith is scary business. Who will I be if I let go of those things which keep me so wound tight? Will I like that person? Will others? Will I be "good". And yet again comes the vicious cycle of my inability to not get worked up.

As always, dear reader, I have no answers. I just have questions. I also have a serious smack of humility as I must go sheepishly to my friends and family and ask forgiveness for being a Dead Sea to them for so long now. Ah but what is forgiveness without repentance? And yet another series of questions begins.

Wishing you peace dear reader. Peace that comes from casting your cares on the Lord and not asking for them back.

Peace.

Five Friends

I get by with a little help from my friends...so can our nation.

shrill in the morning

I have made the switch from The Today Show on NBC every morning to MSNBC's Morning Joe as my morning news program. I was getting sick of the ridiculous things passing for news on Today (I'm sorry Matt Lauer) and I wanted more politics in my morning. With Joe Scarborough and his morning crew I have received my request. They talk politics, news, and opinions for three hours every morning and it seems a lot like an intelli-fest, which I love.

However, at 6:45am, I don't need to hear Pat Buchanan's on-on-on about how Sarah Palin is the most intelligent and ready candidate for VP. Seriously? Not only is he just wrong; she is the worst choice John McCain has ever made in his professional political career. But more than that, Pat Buchanan--you're wearing a microphone, stop screaming into the camera. The only that could be worse would be you vs. Senator Clinton (a great politician but a very shrill mic user). It is not just what you say, it is how you say it into a volume projection device. Shhhhhh!!!!!

Have a good day dear reader. Enjoy your last month of election madness.

Daily Dose of the Good Ones

Great things from a day at school.

Getting a campaign button from a great kid as she runs for student council...knowing a win would be a huge boost for her confidence.

Seeing a Mom who doesn't participate much listen to her kid intently as he proudly shares a class project and watching her be supportive.

Having a Chaplain who truly cares about her new colleagues and kids and prays with us, genuinely showing the true spirit of Christ.

Listening to kids finally understand the downward progression of So-Fa-Mi-Re-Do.

Having a Kindergartener proudly proclaim that the triangle is high pitch and the big drum is low pitch.

Being given a re-done paper that while not stellar, was certainly a concerted effort to improve.

Listening to the kids get excited about talking about cathedrals and their beauty.

These are the good ones that make the rough ones worth fighting through...

Peace.

the trouble with taper

I'm 10 days away from my fall marathon, Chicago, so I'm about mid-way into the "taper period". This period generally includes a reduction in mileage and intensity and a closer attention paid to nutrition, sleep, and stretching. Usually this time is marked by restlessness and random pains as the body heals itself after sixteen weeks of consistent work.

Alas, this time, I am sick. Sick. ICK. I have been forced into rest by my body's inability to rise from bed before 6 and inability to sleep through the night because of a righteous cough. I have chosen to work through the illness to keep the momentum up in my classroom but that makes me feel worse. Yes, it exacerbates the laryngitis, but more than that...I feel like I am letting my kids down. I hate letting my kids down. Not being able to model good singing for them is a horrid feeling. They are lovely and respectful and wish me well a lot, but it is just so frustrating. I've been told to put in movies and let it go, but I'm just not that girl.

But back to the running thing...10 days. It is an emotional and physical whirlwind that is the essence of self-discipline. And, this time round (time #8) I am so ready to be done. I can't wait to sleep in on Monday, October 13th and get up just in time to catch my return plane. I have never been more excited about sleeping than I am this particular time.

Tapering is a leap of faith. It is having confidence in the work that you have put in over the course of your training. It is trusting the science, philosophies, and advice of the learned. This particular time, it is a forced rest which makes me feel even more anxiety, but at the same time, it is not new anymore. Therefore, while I'm stressed about having now not run for FIVE days, I trust the training, and pray for healing.

Are you in taper dear reader? If so, trust the training. Treat your aches and pains gingerly and know that you are ready. Whether you are a 3 hour half marathoner or a sub-three marathoner or like me, somewhere in the middle trying to get closer to the front, you can do it. I believe in you!

Peace.

In honor of Mr. Newman

In honor of the passing of a great human, Paul Newman, I share with you one of his most proud achievements, Hole in the Wall Gang Camp. He will be missed beyond measure, but his legacy is secure in his work to better the lives of children with life-threatening illness.

update-correction

I would like to give credit to Tim Wise for the white privilege article I recently posted to the blog.