RunSingTeach jumps the blogger ship.

Hey Ya'll. I have loved loved loved blogger, but it was time for me to jump ship. I really like some of the features found in Word Press, so I have moved. Please update your RSS feeds or bookmarks to:

http://runsingteach.wordpress.com

PEACE!

a proud morning.

As I ventured into line this morning at 6:15am, I was overwhelmed with pride. Pride to see so many of my nameless neighbors in line, preparing to cast their ballots in our nation's election. I was overwhelmed to see the civility and kindness displayed from person to person. Smiles being exchanged and knowing looks sent amongst strangers, "I know how you're voting; me too." Mothers and Fathers bringing their children and educating them on the process, showing them sample ballots and explaining how it works. The grandma in front of me who planned to receive assistance from her granddaughter to help her see the electronic machine. The woman yelling into her cell phone, "Bootsie, who cares if the lines are long, get out of your house and get here to vote." (I'm not making that up, at all....)

This is what is best about America. Yes, it matters to me who you vote for, of course I want my guys to win. But at the end of the day, if you are a citizen over 18, it is most important that you vote. Join your fellow Americans and take part in a privilege that many do not have across the globe.

Perhaps you will not be as enraptured by the process as I have been this fall. Even now, several hours later, I feel a rumble of anticipation at tonight's announcements of results from across the country. But, I hope that you will spend just a bit of time relishing the freedom you have to choose your leaders and to amend your state's constitutions.

God Bless you today. God Bless America and all of her people.

Some thoughts from those wiser than me:

The only sure bulwark of continuing liberty is a government strong enough to protect the interests of the people, and a people strong enough and well enough informed to maintain its sovereign control over the government.--Franklin D. Roosevelt

I believe that liberty is the only genuinely valuable thing that men have invented, at least in the field of government, in a thousand years. I believe that it is better to be free than to be not free, even when the former is dangerous and the latter safe. I believe that the finest qualities of man can flourish only in free air – that progress made under the shadow of the policeman's club is false progress, and of no permanent value. I believe that any man who takes the liberty of another into his keeping is bound to become a tyrant, and that any man who yields up his liberty, in however slight the measure, is bound to become a slave.--H.L. Mencken

The only freedom that is of enduring importance is the freedom of intelligence, that is to say, freedom of observation and of judgment, exercised in behalf of purposes that are intrinsically worth while. The commonest mistake made about freedom is, I think, to identify it with freedom of movement, or, with the external or physical side of activity.--John Dewey

The wave of the future is not the conquest of the world by a single dogmatic creed but the liberation of the diverse energies of free nations and free men.--John F. Kennedy

The unconscious democracy of America is a very fine thing. It is a true and deep and instinctive assumption of the equality of citizens, which even voting and elections have not destroyed.--G.K. Chesterton

We preach the virtues of democracy abroad. We must practice its duties here at home. Voting is the first duty of democracy.--Lyndon B. Johnson

V-O-T-E VOTE VOTE VOTE!

techno-wizard.

I am not a techno-wizard. This is clear. I enjoy web 2.0 tools as "cool stuff" but I realize that these types of tools are user-friendly and for the lay person. So as I sit, locked out of my domain as I try to re-direct it to a new front page....I blog. I bloggggggg.......

what running can be.

Last night I had the best kind of therapy. I realized that once upon a time running was just running. To push the body and be with friends. It wasn't about PRs. It wasn't about hassle.

Yesterday I was very blue. Many of you dear readers obviously know why I was blue but to top it off I'm having a plethora of health issues which are effecting my running-gosh darn it!! But I nonetheless went to practice last night to bid my Marine Corps runners farewell and wish them luck this weekend. I just ran. I didn't do a lot of talking (shocking, I know). I ran hard and enjoyed the crisp red leaves underfoot. I listened as my newbies sounded like veterans after weeks of training; even hearing some of my own mantras repeated.

When it came for loop three to bring us to six miles, I heard "who's in?". I added my "I'm in", and it was good. So good to run, to listen, to enjoy the sunset in each of its final stages as we crested the hill behind OMHS each time. I was reminded of the need to challenge the body when it is weak, from time to time. And to let the mind clear even when it is its most full.

Thank you friends, for allowing me to sit in the pack last night and remember what running can be.

on the road again...

I took 8 days off after my marathon doing absolutely nothing other than watching myself get fat. My legs felt better fairly early in the process, but I just didn't feel like going out. I wasn't exactly getting a lot of extra sleep in and motivation was not super high.

I was bound and determined to get out on Monday morning to begin anew as I prepare for Philly. My excitement turned when I flipped on the news at 5:15am and saw that the current outdoor temp was 33 degrees. Really? Already? Ok, ok. I threw open my winter running bin and pulled out some tights and got myself together. Trodding out like a stay-puff marshmallow I started up the hill as my lungs took in the chilled air. It wasn't terrible, but it was certainly not the ideal way back onto the road. Dark, cold, and to top it off, suffering a bit of gastro discomfort that has yet to subside.

I made it to the top of the hill and past HCC to meet MM. We were able to get most of the way around the reverse wdf course when I saw my apt. complex and was happy to book it home instead of staying with her for the last mile. 3.5 miles is not what I had hoped for on my first round out, but I will accept it and move on.

I will try again tonight and see if I can extend my distance. Speed will come later. For now, it is move the legs and hope they remember what to do.

thoughts from the airplane

Where is God among the suffering?
He is here.
He is still at the center.

God of my birth.
God of my earth.
God of my eternity.

You are here among the suffering.
You are the source out of it.

God of my joy.
God of my pain.
God of my being.

Provide release from the suffering.
Break hold and re-take the center of me.

reflections on a hot race.

Place: Chicago, IL
Date: Oct. 12, 2008
Time: 8am-12pm
Distance: 26.2 miles

Positives: Finally running a marathon with my dear RP, 13.1 miles with two best friends, seeing old friends, my latina omlette in Andersonville, running in a new city, really easy bag check, a LOT of water stops, lots of cheering crowds, a pink and brown long sleeved running tee, jamba juice at the finish line, pushing hard through a lot of pain in mile 25, beating the creepy guy in red spandex, staying under 4 hours by the hair on my chinny chin chin, three really tasty pints of beer afterwards and going to sleep at 7:30pm!!!

Not-so-positives: 65 deg. at 6am, concrete and pot holes, an odd lime gu incident around mile 20, smelly streets, 80 deg at 11am, no shade ever, really tired feet, mile 25, feeling alone at the finish and really needing a hug, 85 degrees at noon.


At the end of the day it was not my best race (though it was my best time) but it was a good experience. I'm thankful for friends, volunteers, and God for helping me fight through mile 25 when all I wanted was to lay down on the ground and take a nap.

On to Philly. Nov. 23rd

about not getting worked up.

I get worked up about a lot of things. (Insert you, dear readers who know me, saying "duh") Lately, I have been getting so worked up that it has started to bubble and I've become a version of myself that I don't particularly like. (ooh bad grammar...alas, press on.) I have found that bitterness is welling up in my like Vesuvius and I'm not quite sure what will happen when it pops. I have been a drain on my friends and family and I'm not proud of it.

I read this blog post today from Cool Cat Christian which made me have a momentary realization of my current state of being. Pow! Convicted. Totally Me. So here I am, finally sitting after a 12 hour day which included working, class, and dealing with the horrifying safeway pharmacy, and though I should be packing, I am meandering upon being the Dead Sea.

"why don't you just find something to be positive about in the morning", said the wise woman as I went on a diatribe about my feelings on the election, state of testing in schools, accountability of humans to one another, or whatever benign topic I had chosen. That was when I realized I needed a break from being mad. I decided to unplug from my morning NPR because I knew I would get worked up. I knew I had to tread the blog and pundit waters with trepidation this morning so that I would not get worked up. I knew I couldn't think too hard about my career path or relationship status because I would get uber-worked up. But alas, I decided to go to pick up my prescription and alas, got worked up. Darn I had made it almost 10 hours with generally feeling calm-ish.

But that Dead Sea thing really hit me about mid day. It was in reading it that I have come to realize the negative repercussions that I must be having on my dear friends and family. I know that I have lost really important things, the biggest and most important thing next to God, because of myself. So how can I fix myself and this whole "passionate about everything" problem?

Paul tells us in his letter to the Philippians: "Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 4:8.

So I suppose my question is--How to let go? How to think upon these things and let the rest fall away? I suppose that is the essence of faith. Casting those things upon the Lord. Oh, but faith is scary business. Who will I be if I let go of those things which keep me so wound tight? Will I like that person? Will others? Will I be "good". And yet again comes the vicious cycle of my inability to not get worked up.

As always, dear reader, I have no answers. I just have questions. I also have a serious smack of humility as I must go sheepishly to my friends and family and ask forgiveness for being a Dead Sea to them for so long now. Ah but what is forgiveness without repentance? And yet another series of questions begins.

Wishing you peace dear reader. Peace that comes from casting your cares on the Lord and not asking for them back.

Peace.

Five Friends

I get by with a little help from my friends...so can our nation.

shrill in the morning

I have made the switch from The Today Show on NBC every morning to MSNBC's Morning Joe as my morning news program. I was getting sick of the ridiculous things passing for news on Today (I'm sorry Matt Lauer) and I wanted more politics in my morning. With Joe Scarborough and his morning crew I have received my request. They talk politics, news, and opinions for three hours every morning and it seems a lot like an intelli-fest, which I love.

However, at 6:45am, I don't need to hear Pat Buchanan's on-on-on about how Sarah Palin is the most intelligent and ready candidate for VP. Seriously? Not only is he just wrong; she is the worst choice John McCain has ever made in his professional political career. But more than that, Pat Buchanan--you're wearing a microphone, stop screaming into the camera. The only that could be worse would be you vs. Senator Clinton (a great politician but a very shrill mic user). It is not just what you say, it is how you say it into a volume projection device. Shhhhhh!!!!!

Have a good day dear reader. Enjoy your last month of election madness.

Daily Dose of the Good Ones

Great things from a day at school.

Getting a campaign button from a great kid as she runs for student council...knowing a win would be a huge boost for her confidence.

Seeing a Mom who doesn't participate much listen to her kid intently as he proudly shares a class project and watching her be supportive.

Having a Chaplain who truly cares about her new colleagues and kids and prays with us, genuinely showing the true spirit of Christ.

Listening to kids finally understand the downward progression of So-Fa-Mi-Re-Do.

Having a Kindergartener proudly proclaim that the triangle is high pitch and the big drum is low pitch.

Being given a re-done paper that while not stellar, was certainly a concerted effort to improve.

Listening to the kids get excited about talking about cathedrals and their beauty.

These are the good ones that make the rough ones worth fighting through...

Peace.

the trouble with taper

I'm 10 days away from my fall marathon, Chicago, so I'm about mid-way into the "taper period". This period generally includes a reduction in mileage and intensity and a closer attention paid to nutrition, sleep, and stretching. Usually this time is marked by restlessness and random pains as the body heals itself after sixteen weeks of consistent work.

Alas, this time, I am sick. Sick. ICK. I have been forced into rest by my body's inability to rise from bed before 6 and inability to sleep through the night because of a righteous cough. I have chosen to work through the illness to keep the momentum up in my classroom but that makes me feel worse. Yes, it exacerbates the laryngitis, but more than that...I feel like I am letting my kids down. I hate letting my kids down. Not being able to model good singing for them is a horrid feeling. They are lovely and respectful and wish me well a lot, but it is just so frustrating. I've been told to put in movies and let it go, but I'm just not that girl.

But back to the running thing...10 days. It is an emotional and physical whirlwind that is the essence of self-discipline. And, this time round (time #8) I am so ready to be done. I can't wait to sleep in on Monday, October 13th and get up just in time to catch my return plane. I have never been more excited about sleeping than I am this particular time.

Tapering is a leap of faith. It is having confidence in the work that you have put in over the course of your training. It is trusting the science, philosophies, and advice of the learned. This particular time, it is a forced rest which makes me feel even more anxiety, but at the same time, it is not new anymore. Therefore, while I'm stressed about having now not run for FIVE days, I trust the training, and pray for healing.

Are you in taper dear reader? If so, trust the training. Treat your aches and pains gingerly and know that you are ready. Whether you are a 3 hour half marathoner or a sub-three marathoner or like me, somewhere in the middle trying to get closer to the front, you can do it. I believe in you!

Peace.

In honor of Mr. Newman

In honor of the passing of a great human, Paul Newman, I share with you one of his most proud achievements, Hole in the Wall Gang Camp. He will be missed beyond measure, but his legacy is secure in his work to better the lives of children with life-threatening illness.

update-correction

I would like to give credit to Tim Wise for the white privilege article I recently posted to the blog.

yes, we can.

This video came to me from a 6th grade student who plans to use it as his selection for his final project on Organization through the medium of music. I can't wait to see what he has to say about it, but I'm pretty impressed by his choice of politician.

who is a singer?

I found this post on monochord mind today and it really re-affirmed for me the importance of making sure my students know how important it is to sing. I always tell my kids that God doesn't care how you sing, as long as you are trying, your music is joyful to Him. I do also tell them that it important to keep practicing as some of us come by singing on pitch right away and some take a few years. The portion about children matching pitch was particularly resonant with me. I often see children match pitch for the first time after having heard them struggle for years. It is an absolute delight.

I also pray deeply that I'm never ever the music teacher that caused someone to be afraid of singing or come to the belief that they can't sing. This is of utmost importance to me.

Make a joyful noise today; turn up the radio and sing along. You'll add joy to your heart and time to your life.

three words

I found this lovely short video while visiting the Independent School Educators Ning this morning. It is a good reminder of simplifying what is important in an era of loud and constant. Maybe one set will inspire you or you'll find your own three words.



God is Love.

Bartlet meets Obama

Thanks to Maureen Dowd, I have now had my tv fantasies fulfilled. Check out her lovely Op-Ed and be thankful to the god of tv writing, Aaron Sorkin.

Plus Martin Sheen was on Prairie Home Companion this week, so I've been Bartlet blissed out this week. Enjoy!

a bit of something to warm your heart.

The opening convocation at Dallas Independent Schools.

thoughts on the election and white privilege

This summer at KSI we spent a lot of time talking about diversity including a very long and good session on white privilege. I think I've been aware of wp but don't often take the time to see through the reverse lens. I thank my colleague from KSI who posted this on his Facebook page. It really opened my eyes to the inequities being demonstrated and accepted by our society in this election cycle. I'm more convicted now that before that Barack Obama is the right man for the job.

**Please note this does contain some profanity. It's origination is from SNCC listserv to which I assume my colleague subscribes**

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, 
or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help. 


White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters 
of social decay. 


White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' 
redneck,"
 like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about 
how you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a
 responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) 
rather
 than a thug. 


White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six
 years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed 
 out of, 
 then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
 college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed
 as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in the first
 place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
 smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island
 of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and 
people
 don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black 
 U.S.
 Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, 
 means you're "untested."


White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good
 enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be
 immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, 
 the
 pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn’t
 added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused 
 criminals
 and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, 
 which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is
 a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make
 people immediately scared of you. 


White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member 
of
 an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the
 Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your
 patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your
 spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home
 with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think
 she's being disrespectful. 


White privilege is being able to make fun of community 
 organizers and
 the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right 
 of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end
 to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, 
 but if
 you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month
 governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she 
took in college--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist. 


White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't 
 even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
 running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the
 ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made
 them give your party a "second look."


White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your
 political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being
 a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in
 Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose
 pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely 
 criticize
 George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who
 say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for
 rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good
 churchgoing Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of
 Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign
 policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on
 black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.


White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when 
 asked
 by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking
 you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to
 give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced. 


White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW 
has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
 black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a light" burden. 


And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly
 allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. 
 Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, 
 people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. 
 is
 increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, its just too
 vague and ill defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, 
, which is very concrete and certain. White privilege is, in short, the problem.


bright moments

Joel Osteen reminds me today that, "You must quit looking at what you don't have and start believing that all things are possible."

So here are moments that remind me of that...

1. A droopy dandelion from a third grader.

2. An articulate and thoughtful apology letter from a student who had a moment of disciplinary amnesia yesterday.

3. This conversation with a third grader:
Student: Hey Dude
Me: Excuse me? (eyebrows raised)
Student: Oh, sorry...hey Dudette...
(how can you not laugh?)

4. Two boys creating their own patterns on the xylophone diligently then asking for more work

5. a first grader matching pitch consistently for the first time and answering questions unprompted.

6. minimizing all of my windows and seeing the bright blue eyes of the most beautiful five year old in the world as she was ready for her first day of kindergarten.

Some days it is hard to believe that anything is possible. But God gives these bright moments to remind me that I'm not in charge, cannot solve the problems of the world or at home, and that He is good, all the time.

another set of interesting perspectives

Thank you Alecia, for showing me this site. I think the women in this country are amazing. Aren't we blessed to be in a place where we are free to be educated, intelligent, share our values, and still claim our role as women, sisters, mothers? Amazing.

you knew I'd post it...

The happiest thing in my entire week. (Other than Yo-Yo Ma, but that's for another post)

This is why Matt Damon is the best ever.

All right readers, you know I have an insufferable love for all things Matt Damon, except not in a creepy-stalker like way. But I now have another reason to love him even more; a shared bewilderment of Veep candidate S.P.

this can't be good for digestion.

I have no one to blame but myself for the schedule I have taken on this year at school. I have added a sixth grade class twice a week, an advisory once a week, and likely a chorus once a week in addition to my normal 22xweek K-5 classes and my new role as dept. chair...

But it wasn't until last week when I realized that if I don't eat lunch at 10am on Thursdays that I won't eat until a short break at 1:30 or after school at 3:30. So I have resigned myself to scarfing down my food in 15 minutes at 10am and then praying for a good snack at 3:30. (On many nights this is also an issue since I'm either working or in class through the dinner hours...) This cannot be good for my digestive system....

So much for fueling the body properly for sport right now. I'm sure I'll figure it all out after a routine has been established.?! For now, I feel a bit like a chipmunk storing for winter. Or, given my robust size as a person, perhaps I'm more like a Mama Grizzly Bear?! Eat when you can and make sure it is nutritious for you don't know when the next meal will come.

Happy Eating, dear Reader.

Wisconsin is SO much more than cheese.

Just got home from Wisconsin where I had a wonderful weekend driving all around WI for all kinds of events. Wisconsin was beautiful, the people kind, and Madison perhaps the coolest college town I've ever seen. I successfully had cheese (and/or dairy) at every meal! I am exhausted, but want to share two major highlights.

Running 13.1 miles in some random country town North of Osh Kosh wearing a GB Packers Cheese Head affixed to my head with packing tape...along with the best RP ever. We ran fast AND had cheeseheads.

Watching the winners come in while working the Finish Line of Ironman Wisconsin. Chris McDonald was 12+ minutes ahead of the second man while completing his second IM race in 8 days. We were so close that we could smell him. (He was surprisingly fresh) We got to stand next to Paula Newby-Fraser as we waiting for the women's winner Hillary Biscay. She was so nice and so happy (and again, surprisingly fresh). Then we watched the next 200 people come in as we recorded each number one at a time as they crossed. To watch the finish line volunteer machine while standing hearing over and over again "You're an Ironman" was humbling and extremely emotional. I'm a thoroughly honored to have shared in that finish experience for a short time.

And am now come the next 12 months to prepare to hear those words in my own life and to be caught by Bill's amazing volunteers. (Bill will be running, but he's still the catcher captain to me). I'm scared, excited, nervous, and unsure---but I know that through all of it, I will learn, grow, and be stronger. I can't wait to hear those words.

Peace.

John Stewart says it the Best

My favorite part of this video is that in the "tag" section on youtube one of the tags was "Puma". Puma is the new Cougar.

not even sure what to say-but I'll try.

When I think about the selection of Governor Sarah Palin as VP nominee to Senator John McCain, my blood boils. I am not sure why. I don't know if it is that she is a virtual unknown, was chosen because she is young, female, and pro-life or if it is because SJM has totally attempted to pander to the Hillary-independents by this choice. News Flash Senator, Hillary-fans are not stupid. The ones who are still hanging on (despite her pleas for them to support Senator Obama) are not interested in a beauty queen who doesn't believe in a women's right to choose. Certainly not one who espouses family values yet has a knocked up teen daughter and plans to serve the second highest governmental office (well, in Dick Cheney world at least) while leaving four other children, including her infant with downs syndrome, at home. (Presumably the pregnant teen daughter will marry the father and stay thousands of miles from DC in AK?) And yes, I was raised by a working mother (the best ever mind you) but never once has our family espoused uber-evangelical double standards for women.

I am pretty sick of the pundits going on and on about the executive experience of Governor Palin versus the experience of Senator Obama. Let's be clear, I'm a bit more concerned about foreign policy, our national economy, and personal responsibility in office which I don't think a state office holder (particularly with the population AK) has a grasp of better than a long-term Senator such as Senator Biden (and Senator McCain for that matter).

I tried, very hard, to watch the RNC last night. I was sickened by the sight of lots and lots of old, middle-aged, upper middle class white people. That is all that you saw in the entire audience. Seriously? Where is the reflection of America in Republican delegation? There was more diversity on the new generation of 90210 than at the convention, as watched on MSNBC. It was such a throw back to GOP good ole boys that I found myself feeling completely unable to open my mind to listen to the speakers; all of whom were spending a lot of time clapping and introducing people rather than speaking. I did, out of respect for VP Gore, refuse to watch the Traitor Lieberman. For he, I believe, is the most horrid person ever to have been a member of the Democratic party in my lifetime--the Benedict Arnold of the donkey set.

I have no idea how to process this information and realize that this particular post has just been a venting rant. I need someone to set me down and help me to look beyond the pundit party and really examine the issues. Because right now I'm just darn mad and that doesn't help me stump for Obama/Biden.

So if you've actually made it to the bottom of this post, find out for yourself.

Barack Obama, 2008

If you want to read a good one.... Andrew Sullivan

And whatever you do, please vote in November. If you don't, you don't get to write stupid rants like me. :-)

Peace.

anticipation

In honor of the first day at school which is tomorrow, I give you Carly Simon. My anticipation stress is higher this year than ever before. Lots of changes in life and changes at school; I have two new classes, a new leader, and of course, the ever-present life stuff. Very excited, very nervous. And I can't wait to see my kids.

Where do we stand in the digital divide?

As part of my World Village boot camp last week at school, we watched this video. As I watched it, at age 30, I found myself feeling very divided. I feel as though I am not completely a digital immigrant, but I also don't see myself as a native. I feel as though I am an adapter floating the tip of the conceptual age wave, yet at the same time, I'm close enough to the sand of the previous age that I can manage effectively between the two. I feel really blessed by this but at the same time, terribly conflicted. I often hear digital immigrants complaining about natives and calling them lazy or unfocused. When I was growing up, this was called ADD. But now, I see myself relating so well to the "kids" who process information quickly and are in constant need of stimulation (thanks to my classmate who used this word today, it totally fits). Perhaps what was diagnosed as mild ADD was really just an advanced ability to process information? Wishful thinking, I know, but the next time you encounter a kid connected to his texting or constantly checking her facebook, remember what you see below.

Peace.

Happy New School Year

This is perfect after two days of meetings and two months of working on the schedule. Fact of the matter is, I really do like my new boss(es). Happy start of school teachers!

short race report.

I am not particularly motivated to write a long race report from yesterday's Annapolis Ten-Miler, so here is the quick wrap up...

It was good. I felt really strong the entire race, went out too fast in miles 2 and 3, but maintained well. The bridges were really difficult, particularly because of the blazing sun which beat down and radiated up through my feet (as well as burning my nose).

At the turn-around it was really good to see where I was positioned amongst the rest of the field and it gave me the confidence I needed to turn up my effort once I was back over the bridge. The prospect of coming in under 1:20 was too exciting not to pass up so I churned up the hill passing my fellow weary running mates. Crossing at 1:19:54, just a notch under my goal of 1:20.

I am not sure what it was that made me feel strong on this particular day. Strength has certainly been fleeting, but I was definitely motivated and for the strength, I'm grateful.

Annapolis 10 miler: 1:19:54, 23/319 (F 30-34), 656/4454 (OA)
Happy Running.

loss and timing

Our running club lost a member last night. I didn't know him personally. My runners (those I coach) were running our club weekly race and he finished and had some kind of health trauma which resulted in his untimely death. As we tended to him in the best way we could--CPR, cold water, calling 911, etc.--I felt a complete sense of uselessness. I am capable of CPR, but that was attended to by others. I poured water and looked for a pulse on his wrists, but watched as he slowly pulled in and out of consciousness.

The emergency squad arrived and our participation in the process of his resuscitation was quickly ended we found ourselves cut off from knowing the status of our fellow runner. We tried to keep the children occupied and documented the process as best as we could for others. And as the ambulance left 20 minutes later, we were left completely unaware of the status of our comrade.

The night ensued with much prayer and the morning run with my dear friend (also the club president) included great discussion of all the steps we used to try to save him. And then, mid-day, came the email. Our great and amazing Lord had decided it was our comrade's time to join him at the great banquet table.

Unable to process, I became overwhelmed with this loss of a great stranger. Having held the hand of a man I do not know as he was lifted home to be with God. An honor and a devastation all at one time. My heart aches for his family. My mind swirls with the thoughts that always come with death; telling ones I love them, asking everyone to make sure their hearts are healthy, and most importantly, their soul's right with the Lord.

I'm not particularly sure why this loss is impacting me so much. This man whose name I did not even know as he was attended to by other people unknown to him. Perhaps it is the realization or reaffirmation that God's timing is not our own. Ironic in that was just what I was hearing on Christian talk radio this morning on my way to work. God answers prayers. He just might not answer them the way we want. God gives us everything we need and not more than we can handle. Though, at times, it may feel as if we are falling down the rabbit hole.

There is no real capstone to these thoughts. My mind still continues to swirl on them and so I cannot find an intelligent ending, except to say to you, dear reader....

I love you.
God loves you.
Have you seen your dr. lately to make sure all is ship-shape?
Are you in a place in your life where if the Lord took you today your family would be ok?
Have you done and seen as much as you possibly could in your life?

Again, you are loved, beyond measure.

Peace.

morning unplugged

I unplugged this morning. Seeking rather the sanctity of the local woods with my trusty four-legged companion, we approached the morning with quiet. As we slowly took our time traversing the familiar rock-laden chocolate paths I tried to be very observant of what was around us. A brief period of time spent in true gratefulness for all that God has put before me, both in nature and in life.

We took in the verdant vibrancy of the green canopy that almost completely shelters the path from the morning sun. Yet, the yellow glisten of the morning found itself able to peek through the holes in the forest roof. The air was crisp and fresh and completely unusual for an early August morning in the DC metro. The traditional mug and fog layer did not exist and was seemingly replaced by the cool morning air of fall. Though this set of woods is not far off from civilization on this particular morning, it felt as though we had escaped. We had miles to ourselves and took to our familiar blue and green route path. We did not encounter any other creatures, but were certainly aware of the birds around us. Their morning song reminded us of the glory to beheld when we quiet our minds and hearts and spend time in communion with the Lord and His creation.

Using this walk as a meditative practice really had an impact on my day. While Buddy enjoyed his sniffing and tromping through our walk, I used the time to think, pray, and focus my mind on a spirit of gratefulness, confession, and seeking of redemption, guidance, and grace. I believe that these few moments of being unplugged, disconnected from the world and plugging into my surroundings and thoughts really set up the rest of the days hours for good.

I think that in the bustle of day to day that I easily forget the joy that quieting of the heart and mind provides. It is a seemingly easy practice, but quick to be lost on the check list. Luckily, God is patient and always there when I return to Him.

Peace.

love bug.

Love bug is officially passed out on the couch this morning. I think his six mile run yesterday tuckered him out. I don't think much could disturb him today. He is going with me today to work just so that he isn't alone while I crack out schedule stuff and plan for day 1.

He has more love in 17 pounds of fur than any earthly love I know. Joy.

an olympic reflection.

Let me first begin by saying I love the Olympics. For three weeks every four years, I thoroughly enjoy immersing myself in international sports while at the same time learning personal interest stories of fabulous places like Guinea Bissau, the Maldives, and Azerbaijan. I admit the sports I enjoy are fairly traditional: swimming, gymnastics, running (track, no field), rowing, cycling, triathlon but I have been known to enjoy a lot of things in the spirit of the games.

So why is it that I am terribly disappointed this year? I have worked hard to over look the issues in China (human rights much?) to enjoy the games, but alas, I find that NBC (my favorite network) is killing that enjoyment for me this year. I am increasingly disappointed by the singular focus on Chinese/American match-ups to the neglect of other countries in sports like gymnastics. I am frustrated by the lack of respect shown to athletes who win, heaven forbid, a silver or bronze medal as the TV coverage spends their time waxing poetic about Michael Phelps in his gold medals. Don't get me wrong, his feats are spectacular but he doesn't win relays alone and he isn't the only American athlete OR the only athlete to win gold.

I understand the evening coverage is fighting the battle of a 12 hour time difference and the internet giving scores and results before they can be seen to a television audience. This has certainly had an impact on the coverage. Yet, could we not just admit that this is an issue to the public and say, "we are showing the women's gymnastics tomorrow, if you don't want to know who won, don't look at the internet!"???

Last night, my heart was crestfallen as I worked very hard to stay up late to see the competition. I realize I'm an early-to-bed girl, but 8-10 year old girls in pony tails across the country, particularly on the East Coast, probably had a hard time getting the chance to watch their heroes compete last night. That makes me sad, as I remember watching (and videotaping) hours of coverage from 88,92,96, and 2000. We cheered, we cried, we pretended to do the compulsory routines and we got to know the gymnasts. I realize that dvr exists to deal with things like this, but it is just not the same.

The Olympics were created to put the entire world on display. To bring athletes from around the world to communicate in the arena of sport. It is a true shame that, for whatever reason, the decision makers at the tv networks (or whomever made the decisions) have decided to ignore most of the rest of the world and even most of the athletes.

I pray that all of the athletes, from the US and globally, feel as though their participation alone is reason to be praised. I hope dearly that our US athletes who are not covered at all by the US media know that they represent the country just as well as those who smash records and win medals.

Higher, Faster, Stronger. For everyone, everywhere.

favorite song of the week.

If you have the chance...download Hope for Every Fallen Man by Relient K from The Birds and the Bee Sides album. (the link is not the acoustic version from the album, but its ok.) This song is having a profound effect on me this week and I can't seem to stop playing it. If you have 9.99, buy the whole darn album. They have never disappointed me but this song is amazing.

(no I don't work on commission for Relient K.)

Thank God, I'm not God.

wrinkles.

It is now, at the beginning of age 30, that I have come to be acutely aware of the three deep lines that erode my forehead. Certainly they did not recently appear; perhaps it is more noticeable as I have an actual tan that accentuates them, but they are no longer fleeting.

These crevices across my epidermis are not just a sign of sun damage or advanced age. They began early as my eyebrows spent many hours in an erect arch to provide for the appropriate singing position. In fact, I often refer to them when talking about lifting the mask in singing, "See", I say to my young students, "you too can have forehead wrinkles if only you sing your best!" They usually laugh and sometimes make reference to their grandma, mom, or...heavens to Betsy, Botox.

I am not downtrodden about the advanced appearance of my lines--rather intrigued at the exacerbation of their growth. Is it the stress of the last year in my life that is to blame? Perhaps, for when one spends an exorbitant amount of time in the throes of exhaustive crying the face does tend to wrinkle. It is not so much from singing anymore; that really only happens sparsely, particularly in the summer when I'm away from school. Maybe it is just God's way of reminding me to apply spf 30 before leaving the house and to drink more water?

Whatever the source, the mini canyons that streak upon my upper face are now just another part of the superficial me. Hopefully as I meet people at work or church or in running they will see beyond the lines and consider their source, for that is the true definition of me.

reflections on the end of summer.

summer is dwindling faster and faster.
19 days to report to campus.
it doesn't seem like i have left.
schedules, camps, learning, writing,
reading, analyzing, changing, planning.
all come to a pinnacle in august.
brain fried. need the beach.
don't know how to get there.

home life. not easy.
afraid it will slip into the work.
not acceptable. at all.
love the kids must see their best.
all the time.
how do i disconnect from real life.
how do i apply all i have learned.

want my kids to have a great year.
want them to learn and grow.
and to love learning and be good people.
want them to love others and most importantly
themselves.

a tired dog is...

a happy dog. Of this I'm sure. My love bug had a nice run with his Dad friday before coming to my house and enduring a terrible Saturday morning thunderstorm (he's petrified of storms) and redeeming the day with a climb up Sugarloaf Mountain. It was a steep hike and he was incredibly well behaved and, I believe, he enjoyed the summer foliage and craggy trail.

Since our mountain hike yesterday he has seen fit to be completely sacked out on the couch, floor, bed, pillows. He is showing true signs of contentment. This makes me very happy.

This morning we sit, enjoying a lazy morning with the windows open and the trees outside willowing in the breeze. I enjoy coffee as he enjoys his morning nap. I sometimes wonder if I have ever loved as much as I love this dog. He is the source of unconditional joy, happiness, laughter, and comfort. I only hope that I provide for him as much as he provides for me.

Life is sweet.

Romans 8

I have spent a lot of time recently ruminating on several passages that I'm finding provide inspiration and comfort. Isaiah 40:31 is having a frightening irony between me and my dear friend recently, but it is Romans 8:26-39 that has sat with me for the last three months or so. See below, from NRSV, italics mine.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. 27 And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family. ^F50 30 And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31 What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? 33 Who will bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. 35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have spent most of my time thinking about the end of this passage, verse 38 and 39. A daily reminder that nothing, absolutely nothing, in the mind of Paul and many believers, can separate us from the love of God. When I was a kid, my Mom had a tape of a Christian band that had a great song called "Nothing Separates Us". I think I played this tape into the ground in my college years and at some point, alas, lost it. But I can still hear the melody rotating through my mind as a pulsating reminder that NOTHING separates us from the LOVE of God.

But in church on Sunday, I was reminded of the earlier part of this passage about the interceding of the spirit. I am moved by the poetic language of "with sighs too deep for words". The Holy Spirit intercedes in our weakness with a great sigh that cannot be expressed in human form. I am led to a vision of a spirit in exasperation, like a parent tying their child's shoes for the millionth time. A spirit that will intercede for us, that will do for us as we cannot, even when we should be able to. The spirit almost saying, "don't you get this yet" but simultaneously holding us closer than we can imagine and loving us within our weakness.

I imagine I exasperate God on a regular basis. Just as I exasperate my friends and family with my ever-present roller coaster of emotions and unresolved flaws. But, just as my dearest friends and family, God does not stop loving me, or any of us. We are loved as we were created, within God's own plan for each of us. A heavy thought, as we spend minutes, hours, and days trying to change ourselves, fix ourselves, improve ourselves in some sort of selfish attempt to please everyone.

My sighs tend to be too deep for words lately. But I suppose they are just another thing that the spirit picks up and returns to me. A lift from above that is not asked for and does not seek reward. Such as love.

--Grateful.

to the depth of my soul.

this pain does not ache temporarily, it is consistent
it may be placed complacently on a shelf for a few hours,
but it is hurt to the depth of my soul.

will there be no respite from this nightmare of time,
the supposed lapsed time of which everyone speaks,
the it will be ok eventually talk.

finding the blessings of right now seems few and far between,
a momentary glimpse of joy squashed by brief communicae
a hurricane of turmoil from the depth of my soul.

Thriving at Thirty

All day on Thursday I couldn't get rid of the movie line from "13 Going on 30" -- "I want to be 30, I want to be 30, flirty, and thriving." I kept saying it to everyone, just as a bit of a joke. I certainly don't want to be flirty. I just don't think that is my personality, but thriving. Oh yes, please. I want to begin or sustain a life in which, like the Kaiser commercial featuring Allison Janney, I thrive.

I'm glad to be 30. The 20's have been such a roller coaster and while I know that the next year or so will continue to be a great dance of limbo, I'm have to believe that the 30's will bring some kind of tranquility. An ability to go beyond childish experimentation and self-definition and movement towards self-refinement and strength. I want to actually be healthy and active, rather than living on the periphery of activity. I want to really explore what I can to do serve others for that is when I feel the most happy. I want to thrive.

I woke up this morning feeling completely unmotivated to get out of bed early to go to 8am church. After a day that included 13 miles in the humid morning and 5 hours with the nieces extraordinaire in Baltimore, I was tuckered out, didn't sleep well and felt no interest to hustle before I went to work at 11. So instead of worshiping at my lovely Episcopal church, I had "pajama church". This equals me in pajamas and Joel Osteen's sermon program. I take Mr. Osteen's message with a grain of Episcopalian salt. He is a prosperity preacher in a mega church, but his message is Bible-based and inspiring. Each week he gives a 30 minute message (which I podcast) that generally talks about how we can succeed in anything with the help of the Lord.

How appropriate that today his message was, "Thriving, not Surviving". He gave biblical examples, such as Abraham, of how we thrive when we put our complete trust and faith in God despite all odds. I have spent a lot of the last six months in "survival" mode, or at least, my version of it. By no means am I "surviving" in the way that most people would think; I have abundant blessings too numerous to mention. But, I haven't really been moving forward. I have felt like I have had to put life on "hold" while I sort out and deal with loss and confusion. What I took from the message today was not about action, it was about mind set. If I keep telling myself that "life is over" or "I can't move forward", I will certainly stay in a mode that is stagnant. If I stay in a mode of "why me", I will not be able to look to all of the good things that God has given me to thrive.

If I want to thrive, it is simply a matter of mind. I need to remind myself, daily, minute-by-minute, each second, that God is in control. I could lose everything material but still be whole. I may feel broken or stuck in survival mode, but if I put complete trust in God's plan, I will thrive.

"For those who wait upon the Lord will rise up on the wings of eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Those who wait upon the Lord will run and not be weary. This is how I paraphrase this verse. This stands out to me right now about the power of thriving under the wings of God. I know that if I put my hope in God's purpose, that I will not fail, I will be whole.

Holy Oly.

So this past Saturday I completed my first Olympic distance tri. I realize that this is not a huge accomplishment in the scheme of athletics, but it was one of those things that took me a while to tackle. I have never done "Columbia" because I am fearful of the distance and the intensity of it all so I was happy to find Diamond in the Rough in July on the schedule. Why I chose a race with "challenging and technical bike course" is beyond me, but I figured it would be ok.

I came into the race feeling under-trained. With two weeks away from the pool and a mile swim ahead of me, I wasn't sure how I would handle the water. I had finished the Columbia bike course twice since returning from NJ and I didn't think running would be an issue. So I packed it all up on Saturday morning and headed up to Perryville, on the Susquehanna River.

Surveying the scene it appeared that the water was going to be quite calm and then came the announcement, "the water temperature is 82 degrees therefore no wetsuits will be allowed" Darn! I'm not particularly fazed by open water but a wet suit just adds that little bit of buoyancy that is really nice. Alas, I went on preparing transition and getting ready for the race.

Swim:
All the women went off together in the last wave. I positioned myself in about the third row back to as to try to place the really fast ladies ahead of me but not to get stuck by the unsure swimmers. I think this was a good position. The water was warm but not so much it was uncomfortable. I think training at the CSC in its warm water has been good for my prep for summer open waters. I struggled to get into a good rhythm because just as I felt like I was alternating well, I would run into someone's feet. As I reached the first and subsequent buoys I was surprised at how comfortable I felt. I tried not to look at my watch, but I knew that my time wasn't as slow as I thought, which was good. I did zone out a bit between the second and fourth buoys. I think that this comes from not doing race practice. But soon enough, there I was swimming towards the last buoy and the steps to finish. I reached the ladder and then the two flights of stairs (ick) up to the path to transition. I was pleased that the swim plus the steps and the run down the path ended up being about a half an hour, 29:03! (118/378)

T1-Fine. No problems. Really think the new "tri top" was a good choice. It saved me probably 20 seconds on transition not having to change or add to my clothes except for socks. 1:34

Bike:
I was so afraid. I know that I'm not strong on the bike. Everyone knows that, but I had hope that my cadence practice in NJ and my last minute Columbia practice would help a little. I think it did help, a little. But 27 miles is still 27 miles. I wasn't sure what to expect, so as I went through the flat windy start, I finagled into my gloves (to try to reduce ulnar nerve tension) and caught my breath. It wasn't more than a few yards before the passing began. I realized I was in a slow gear so I picked up my cadence, clicked into my big ring and started to pedal. The rolling hills were more up than down but there was a bit of "flat" comparable to parts of Homewood from Jumpers Hill to FQMS. I felt like I was in a good gear with a pretty decent cadence but I still just kept getting passed and passed. It was frustrating. I saw the sign ahead "caution/slow" and they weren't kidding. It was a sharp L turn to a very steep descent, I actually used both sets of brakes to come around the corner and witnessed an ambulance helping one crashed rider and three others sitting on the side of the road fixing various problems. Yikes. Happy to slow down and cross a bridge only to have another ascent, ick. Around mile 19 there was a nice flat patch along the river, I found myself having ADD and my mind wandered. I think I was definitely in a ride rather than race mentality. But, all of that changed when I turned the corner and there it was...mile 22...the mile long 7% grade climb. On the scale of Tour de France like climbs, this was a baby hill, but in my world, it was the longest hardest climb I have ever encountered. So down into the granny gear I went and just kept turning the pedals. It plateaued deceptively only to turn and continue up and up and up. When it finally eased up it was good to know that four miles remained. The hills continued to roll and then finally a return to the winding road to transition. I believe my exact words at the dismount were, "oh, my butt is so happy." 27 miles done. I had anticipated at least two hours for the course, so I was very pleased to come in at 1:47 (15 mph). Almost the slowest bike ride of the entire field, but for me, a very good job.

T2: 1:11, pretty good. I would like to get it down to a minute or less, but I did some extra tightening of the shoes.

Run:
The run course was a 5 mile out and back. It was not as "flat" as advertised and it was completely sunlit, but I knew it would be attainable. I had been really disappointed by the pace at my last race and wanted to keep consistent. A typical 5 mile race would be sub-8 but given the heat and my leg fatigue from the bike, I knew I would be hoofing. Finally though, a chance for me to pass some people. Not many (this was a very qualified field) but still, an ego boost just the same. Reaching the turn around I was noticing that my overall time was looking in the 2:50-3hr range and I was shocked. I had anticipated 3:30-4:00 for the race, so I was really excited and think that it gave me motivation to pick up the pace. I kept thinking I was near the end, trying to recall landmarks from the out course, but it just kept going. The heat radiated off of the path and straight up to my head. The last few water stops were more about cooling off my body temp. than hydrating. Finally, there it was the big red finish line, up a hill, of course. (run 41:14) And the finish of my first Oly...3:00:38

I can safely say that I left all of my energy on the course. I may not be the fastest triathlete, the strongest, or the best prepared, but I definitely felt like this race was a positive experience. I am not tremendously disappointed with my finish. I don't have anything particularly profound to reflect upon from this race. But I report just the same....

Happy Racing, Dear Reader.

learning.

"What ever is good to know is hard to learn"

This is a quote that I found on a random coffee mug at Target as I made my way to "Teacher Camp." I have now had a few days to recover from camp and re-engage in reality and I think this particular quote is a bit of a metaphor for life right now. While I pride myself on being a "life-long learner", I feel now more than ever I am in the midst of an intense period learning and for sure it is hard. The lessons are unclear, not particularly easily resolved, and certainly not quick.

Learning about life, learning about love, learning about work, learning about friendship, learning about exercise, learning about change, learning about loss. And in the midst of it all, knowing that God is at the center. This is not to make God the scapegoat for anything negative; I'm not in a "blame God" phase of life. I am grateful to God for this learning. It doesn't mean I enjoy it, asked for it, want it, or don't constantly look for ways to "fix it". But in the end, I relinquish control of it and rather seek to find the learning in it all.

Sheryl (Crow that is...) expresses this well in two of the songs on her latest album, Detours. I can't remember if I have written this before, but I suggest "God Bless this Mess" and "Detours". They kind of speak to what I'm feeling and thinking about this whole "learning" thing.

I keep very busy. I sometimes think I stay busy to avoid embracing all that God has put before me. I desperately wish for retreat to quiet my mind and calm my soul. Though, I do fear what I may learn should I take them time to do so. Either way, God is in the center be it frenetic or placid. And God is always good.

go chicks.

250+ women toed the start line this morning at the annual HCS Women's Distance Festival. I have run this race before but took a hiatus last year. I hit the race with both my RP and mom to celebrate our strength and health. This race, like others recently, again had a family atmosphere that gave me great joy. Mothers and daughters celebrating healthy living through running and Fathers and Grandfathers cheering on.

FRP (fabulous running partner) and I started off well, not particularly conservative (6:37 first mile) but maintained a great pace through mile 2. The humidity was really frustrating but we persevered. Somewhere between 2 and 3 I moved ahead staying to the edge of the route to assure for no extra steps. At about 2.6 I was passed by the same nice mom who always passes me around that point and followed her stride up through to the very good finish (22:16, v. pleased). (I did actually finish ahead of her 12 year old, for once) FRP followed quickly thereafter in a fantastic time. Mom PR'd and looked quite strong in her last half mile.

I was so happy to be among strong women. During packet pickup a gentleman told me in no uncertain terms that he thought it was unfair to have a women's only race. He wasn't kidding, he had a real problem with the "gender exclusivity" of it. Seriously?! I'm not going to get on a feminist soap box or anything, but I hope that as he watched his wife and daughter today (he did) that perhaps he saw the value in bringing together women of all shapes, sizes, ages, ethnicities to do something as simple as running. As my Mom reminded me, "we weren't allowed to do this when I was in school". I believe that as the amazing girls and women ran today, we kicked that notion to the curb.

Go chicks.

Thou shalt not...

STEAL.

I woke up this morning excited about coffee and the first stage of the Tour. Alas, that joy faded quickly when I opened my patio blinds to see that my patio furniture (a nice gift from Mom) had been stolen. I had become yet another victim of the rash of thefts happening in my neighborhood. I then proceeded to miss the first half hour of the tour as I made my report with the HC police.

It is not really the loss of the furniture that upsets me. It was lovely and a gift and not something that I will be able to replace. But, it is the fact that theft has been so prominent lately in this area. Several break-in's and even an armed robbery have occurred in the last two months. I guess I should feel happy that it was just my outdoor furniture.

It shakes my comfort. It makes me paranoid that every time I descend the steps to my apartment that I will find the door cracked and my possessions missing. This then leads me to feel twinges of guilt for actually placing important value on material things. But if I spend too much time dwelling on it, I realize that I am also fearful for safety on some level. If our neighborhood is subject to thievery, what's to say that worse things won't come next?

For now, I will thank God for the blessings that remain and continued safety. I will also check and re-check my locks, every time. And pray that these thieves come to realize their errors and seek forgiveness and redemption.

Be safe, dear reader.

home.

I am so glad to be home. The last two weeks have been very tense and the source of a lot of stress, learning, and exhaustion. But at the same time, I must return to the reality of all I left. It was a little overwhelming yesterday, but I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that Tuesday night only yielded two hours of sleep (I had to finish creating the camp movie and we didn't get back from Broadway until 1:30...so finishing th e movie until 4:30am was the way it was.)

I feel like I need some sort of re-entry period to get back into the routine, but I also wish there were things that I could have just left somewhere along the NJ Turnpike. Feelings, frustrations, sadness....but they had to come back with me, or rather, awaited my return.

Time to find balance. Time to find out what home really means...

just click send.

At 12:04am I have finished my "Letter to Head" and "Final Reflection" from these last week's of adventure. They are uploaded to our Moodle site and await feedback. As my next door friend said, "don't belabor it, just click send." I am particularly pleased with my reflection as I spent quite a bit of time trying to take out the "whine" factor and really focus on the goals I hope to bring back to school next fall.

Now, I think I will spend a bit of time on the imovie that I am heading up as for our final farewell day. I had a coke at 9:30pm, so it isn't like sleeping is likely anyway.

Just found out that I'm working both all day Thursday and all day Friday at the shop. So much for a day of break before hopping back in full force. One thing I will say is...I can't wait to swim laps, my poor deltoids and triceps are so atrophied I desperately need some time in the water (I'm having a "Sweetest Thing" arm situation).

All right, enough ranting for now. Time to tap into my inner Steven Spielberg or at least, my inner Dawson Leery.

Peace.

the lasts...

We are reaching the point in the Institute where we have started to have our "lasts". Last Friday was Chef Gary's last meal with us, yesterday was our last diversity session, and today is our last curriculum session. We are spending about four hours today on "Change", which of course makes me really happy as all of the readings were consistent with all of the reading I've done at Hopkins. Now begins the two day task of reflecting what we are taking from this and what we will bring back to our school. I'm excited, nervous, and in-flux as to what those things might be.

In our reflection last night, we wrote a letter to ourselves that I'm assuming someone at KSI will send to us mid year. We were supposed to write our hopes of what we would take from the two weeks here and I formed mine in several paragraphs of questions. What am I taking from here about curriculum and instruction? What am I taking from here in terms of leadership? What am I taking here in terms of facing difficult issues within the school? Each paragraph had specific thoughts that I hope to be at least thinking about as I leave this amazing experience. Also, I have a paragraph about keeping up with colleagues. I have formed good working relationships with several teachers who I think will challenge me, if I ask and likewise, I them. But they will only be maintained if there is a conscious effort.

These two weeks have been a bit like my fellowship six years ago, only condensed and intense. I feel a deep sense of gratitude that, for whatever reason, the selection committee decided to add me to the roster this summer. I hope that I have worked very hard, shared well without ranting too much, and have served some positive role in the community.

The next two days will probably be quite busy as I have offered to take the lead on the end-of-camp slide show. This is a monumental endeavor and I hope that it will provide joy to its viewers.

Dear reader, have a great Monday.

the rest of the day.

I tried to use my rest time wisely today. As it was 90 degrees and thick outside, I ventured to the school fitness center for a treadmill time. Alas, I was quite disappointed to see that the treadmills dated to about 1985, but thought I would take a whirl anyway. I managed a nice clip 9 minute pace for 3 miles. This felt quite nice but boredom sunk in...so I ventured to the track for a change of scenery and a chance to work on self-pacing. I have been without a consistently-working Garmin for over a year and I think that on one level it has helped me reduce my obsession with time/pace/distance but....it has also meant that I have gotten slower and run shorter as a result. So, I did some track work to see if my metronome (as Mick used to say) was still working. I didn't want to do speed work, just pacing. So I set my goal on 8 min/mi (2:00min/lap) and managed to go spot on for two miles with a water break in the middle since it was hotter than the seventh layer of H*&^ outside.

I have been amazed at how well I have been running/biking since I've been here. I have felt energized, have not had a lot of aches and pains, and was particularly pleased with my biking 20 miles this week. I am certainly not getting enough sleep, but what I am getting (duh) is really nutritious food. I think I have underestimated the power that food has played in my athletic performance. The consistent consumption of A. healthy food and B. enough food is critical to my health. Now, if only I could have a private chef cooking two meals a day for me from local, organic, and non-processed ingredients....oh wait...I just woke up. But certainly there must be a way for me to make truly healthy meals for one??? I think the key is diversity. We have not repeated a single dish at lunch and dinner in all of the time here. Every meal has at least one protein. Every meal has multiple vegetables and we have had potatoes as a starch only sparingly. Ah ha! So all those books I've read on performance nutrition are actually true.... Ok, broccoli, spinach, red peppers, barley, here I come.

Oh yes, I mentioned a little something about Jack Johnson. I have blogged a lot about Sara Groves and the impact she has made on me, but today I found a new song that really helped me process where my brain needs to consider going. It is not there yet and I'm not saying I want to go there, but I should consider it. If you have the chance..."Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" by Jack Johnson. While you're at it, check out his songs from the Curious George soundtrack, they'll just make you happy.

Tonight there is no homework so I shall rest before gearing up at 8am tomorrow for "Critical Friends Group". We just had the plenary session describing the protocol for it. Yes, I am officially scared. As Nigel says in The Devil Wears Prada, "All right everybody, gird your loins!" (I love Stanley Tucci)....

Good Night dear reader. God Bless You.

what exactly IS a PBA?

The last 24 hours have been really intense. We were given a crash course yesterday in Enduring Understandings (EU's) and Performance Based Assessments yesterday in Curriculum Group. I had some experience with both of these concepts based on Understanding By Design by Wiggins and McTighe from MCPS. The interesting thing about these concepts is that in a constructivist setting, as we are working in here, they take on a whole new layer of depth.

After stuffing our brain with the basics, we chose groups and were off to build a PBA. A Performance Based Assessment is the assessment of an Enduring Understanding which we based off of a Concept or Big Idea. Our group chose the big idea of "Relationships", after debate on topics such as Communication, Equity, Social Justice, Friendship, and Organization. We worked to build our Enduring Understandings and then went for a critique session with our Lead Teachers. We had quite an intense half hour with them before shipping off to bed nervous and confused.

Today we worked for four hours based on the critiques and then worked again with our LT's to further identify and clarify our EU's, Knowledge/Skill, and definitions of our PBA. We had it "all wrong" at one point, but I am really pleased with the way we worked together to build a way for our students to transfer their understanding of relationships found in building of cities to interpersonal relationships among groups in which they participate. The entire Institute went to lunch exhausted, but relieved to have completed such a task.

Lunch=Vegetarian Burrito, Roast Beef sandwich with goat cheese and caramelized onions, the most tasty french fries ever, roasted zucchini and eggplant. VERY fulfilling.

MOre in a bit...

sorry about the missed day.

Yesterday was a busy busy day and there was just no time....so I'm just doing a food report.

Dinner last night: Smoked Duck and Smoked Turkey, tossed red potatoes, roasted barley with red peppers, green beans ammandine, fresh cranberries, corn muffins. The guest chef of the evening told us all about how he observed the fowl through their growth and how he used his own hands to prepare them (read: kill them) for eating.

Whew..

More later on the experience of writing Performance Based Assessments, running, solitude, the effects of a good diet on athletic performance, and Jack Johnson later tonight.

need...feedback....please...

We have officially been here a week as of today. It feels like it has been a month. My brain is working on serious "start up disk full" mode so I'm so thankful for this afternoon being completely free. I just took a 20 mile bike ride and saw several adorable towns (Mt. Rose, Hopewell, Pennington). The headwind was mighty but the skies clear and despite the very large chunks out of much of the roads, it was a lovely time. (Blue needs a rest, she took a lot of shock absorption for me today)

As we are a week in I'm reaching that place where I realize how hard it is for me to fit in so much of the time. This happens to me a lot at conferences, workshops, camp, in social settings. I get so stressed out by it. I also really really really need feedback from my instructors. I'm the type of person who needs to know how I'm "doing" in every situation but particularly in a situation of learning. To receive no feedback, positive or negative, whatsoever is really frustrating. It is in my nature to assume the worst, or rather that people's opinions of me are negative, if I don't have confirmation one way or the other. I realize that this is a personal flaw, but it is so easily assuaged. Just needing to know where I stand, in the scheme of success or failure, is so important to me. The ambiguity of our progress is very stressful to me and I think in turn causes me to grow deeper into the turtle shell. Thus, the vicious circle of my introversion continues...

Tonight, an opportunity to try to reach out....Trenton Thunder. Give it up for AA baseball dear reader, you know you're excited for me! It is bobble-head doll night, but let's face it, it is KSI night at the ball park, so it will certainly involve beer and loudness! Woo Hoo.

(lunch report-tom/mozz/pesto grilled sandwich (all local), arugula salad w/ grilled shrimp, gazpacho-another triumph. The arugula here is incredible.)

sustainability in schools.

We have a one hour presentation today by Chef Gary, the most amazing chef ever, but even more than that...my new sustainability guru. Five years ago, he joined the Lawrenceville community and has turned the entire food world in both the school and local community upside down. He is an educator of the highest degree and is what we could only hope that all of our schools could have, Alice Waters, eat your heart out.

I am happy to share his ppt. with anyone interested but I will point you to some neat things for reading pleasure.

http://www.sustainablefare.com/index.htm
http://www.terhuneorchards.com/
http://www.attrainternships.ncat.org/internDetail2.asp?id=408

I will mostly extol the virtues of tonight's salad. Greens (including arugula!!) from the Lawrenceville School garden (KSI friends helped pick them), local blueberries, local goat cheese, walnuts, and lemon honey vinaigrette.

Amazing. Inspiring. Overwhelming.

Peace.

yesterday at camp

This was supposed to be yesterday's blog, but Blogger decided to eat part of the post.

Oh the best part of today, other than the food, of course, was just found at the end of the day. After exhilerating and challenging sessions in our Diversity groups (where our topic was White Privilege), the campus was a-buzz with chatter. Everyone was leaving the sessions wanted to talk more, wanting to continue to have the conversations, it was thrilling.

Being among this group of educators is challenging, humbling, and invigorating. Just like going to Chorus camp or soccer camp or computer camp brings delight to kids being grouped together by affinities, being at "KSI Teacher Camp" is that same feeling. I am here, on this amazing campus, with 75 other passionate, caring, dedicated, and dare I say intelligent teachers. Teachers who value life-long learning, who are not satisfied with the status quo and dare to go beyond the current state of their own schools to reach our children better.

I have struggled in the last few days with feeling really inadequate in my curriculum group. I am not a classroom teacher and worry that all of the wonderful information I'm learning will be very hard to apply in 40-min./week classes. I also worry that my contributions to the class are not useful to the other colleagues. I hope that I can bring some kind of perspective as to the role the specialist teacher can play, but I'm not sure how that is in the cards yet. However, today for a few minutes, I felt really useful as I set up a new NING for the group. I am very thankful to my school friends AA and ABD for teaching me about NINGs this year. They are such a great networking tool and when they catch on, are so useful in so many situations. I hope that the group finds this helpful.

(I wrote a whole three more paragraphs before blogger went into shut down....here is my attempted re-creation.)

In my search to get off of the LS campus in order to focus, I went into Princeton. The biggest reason I went was to burn off the desperate desire to go to the Life is Good store on the main street. After getting my fill of that, I headed over to Small World Coffee for a different study spot. Oh My Goodness, Good Coffee. Strangely served in a pint glass (burn unit anyone?), but tasty and not burnt like many coffees. I subsequently learned that SWC can be found in Lawrenceville at the local bakery. Once I was happily buzzed and up to my ears in readings, I hustled back to campus in time for dinner.

I am so glad that I came back for dinner. We have had good food but this was off the cuff good. Shrimp and Mussels Zuppa (not for me, but smelled great), Homemade cheese tortellini with local fresh tomato sauce, local roasted summer squash, local heirloom tomato and local (a mile down the road local) fresh mozzarella with basil, bread from the bakery across the street. We topped it all off homemade (again, across the street) shortcake with fresh organic whipped cream, local blueberries and strawberries. We were quite sufficiently stuffed as we went into our diversity session.

My head is in a constant state of whirl and I'm finding my addiction to caffeine growing stronger the more I don't sleep, but it is just because there is so much to do that there isn't enough time to process any of it. What I have processed is that there is so much I want to do at my school and I'm fearful that I won't even be able to do one-tenth of my hopes.

Alas, for now, I hold dearly onto my coffee cup, baby mac, and highlighter.

Peace.

mid-day report

I need five minutes of break from reading so I'll give an update...

Last night, about 45 of us went into Princeton and enjoyed a very LOUD meal at the Triumph Brewery. It was a great place with good beer and food. I think I must have eaten too much because I really felt quite poor and did not finish all but a few sips of my second Honey Wheat. (WHat? An unfinished beer? Surely something is wrong)

Luckily, some new friends wanted to traipse the old world campus of Princeton and that, while difficult due to ailment, was neat. What a campus. That's a whole 'nother entry entirely.

Decided not to go for the evening's party of frivolity and beer pong due to digestional disarray and felt quite hard to sleep for 10 hours!!!

Got up and rode my bike about 15 miles including all the way down to the main road and back onto the Princeton campus. Again, it was amazing to look at the vast castles within which teenager/young adults actually have the privilege to learn. It was here that I found the one "small" (very small) hill of the day and rode it in a big gear to simulate a much larger hill experience.

Returned to LS campus just in time to be safe from a short but loud thunderstorm. Since brunch I have been reading and reflecting on topics such as, "behavorism vs. cognitivism/cognitive science", "operant vs. classical conditioning", and effort based vs. intelligence based praise....

I have an hour until our work returns. Tonight we have 2 hours of curriculum group and then 2 hours of plenary session entitled, "Teacher as Diagnostician". We have a tremendous amount of homework for Monday, so I picture a LONG night.

Tomorrow the week of full day work begins. This is really difficult work, but for the first time in a LONG LONG time, I feel challenged. I think however that I may need a week off after all of this just to process and re-gain sleep...

By the way...Happy 89th Birthday to my awesome Grandma!!!!

Peace.

the ultimate.

Just played Ultimate Frisbee for two hours with new friends at "teacher camp". I have never played before and am notorious for having bad hand-eye coordination but nevertheless had a kick-butt time. It was so nice to do a really heart pumping activity that was A. not solitary and B. did not require any excessive materials. Plus, my teammates were nice enough to pass me a few and never made me feel bad for missing!

Good Times...

rest for rest's sake.

Each day at "teacher camp" we have two and a half hours of "rest". As you've read in previous posts I have spent all previous rest times reading/writing except for a brief one hour interlude for a bike yesterday.

Today we have rest from 1pm-tomorrow at 4pm which allows for recreation, socialization (some are going to Princeton, others to the city tonight), and of course....studying. Lots and lots of studying. This is an intense program and we are working our brains tremendously. So last night's evening cocktails (courtesy of the institute) and todays extended rest are SO important.

A large group is planning "day of sports" this afternoon at 2 and I find myself very tempted to stay in the comfort of this bed and resting until our Princeton outing, but I know that I will end up studying and part of this time is SUPPOSED to be rest and recreation...so, I will go off in ten minutes to the field.

In my quiet bunk rest, I found this great article in the Daily Cafe from EDOW about admitting to times of rest both literal and figurative in our society, perhaps you will enjoy it.

Peace.

my thoughts on NJ roads...

Met up with a nice gal from CT to ride during "rest"...we had a nice 50 minute flat road ride in and around Lawrenceville. Not sure how fast or far, don't really care as it was more about getting outside and pushing my feet forward in the GORGEOUS weather. (How lucky are we on the East Coast this week huh?)

My comment is this, NJ roads stink! No, that is really mean, but they certainly do not have the find smooth quality of Western Howard County. Thank goodness my tires are hearty. Plus I was surprised at the amount of traffic for 3:45-4:30 in the afternoon, a steady stream of cars similar to what one might see during Rush Hour on Rt. 108...not the most comforting given the debris and hole-ridden right hand side of the lanes. (no bike lanes) Not going to get much hill time around here but I think that the roads are long enough to make self-explanatory loops. Look forward to a much longer ride either this weekend or next week.

All right...shower and STUDY!

(Lunch Report-Thai Chicken curry on Jasmine rice with Cucumber-Mint Salad, plus a tossed salad with the world's BEST homemade croutons EVER.)

irony.

This afternoon during "rest", I went to the library to do some reading. I was searching for the perfect "nook" that I could make mine for the next two weeks. I walked up the winding staircase of the palatial library and wandered into the "Art Book" room. I turned the corner and ah-ha, there it was a corner slightly quadrilateral-like room complete with window seat and two chair table. I knew it was mine. I opened up the window shade to allow the natural light and hunkered down. It was not until I took a moment to look up that I realized I was in the "music book" section. To my right-Mahler. To my left-Wagner and Weill. Ah....

(just for those of you who care, dinner was Moroccan spiced flank steak, braised fennel, mashed potatoes, and spinach/gorgonzola salad...oh and at "teacher camp", they serve alcohol with dinner!)

The evening session in our diversity small groups is over and now it is time to read some more....then write...then bed.

Good Night, dear reader.

whew.

This is the first chance I have had to breathe since about 7:15 this morning. I am currently in "afternoon rest" from Klingenstein Summer Institute. By rest I mean...go to the library and do homework in the two hours before dinner. :-)

Upon our (me and 75 new best friends) arrival here yesterday we were assigned a dorm room and handed a three inch binder complete with detailed schedule, readings, and various ins and outs. After unpacking I started to read the detailed schedule and look for our assignments. After getting through Friday I stopped, took a breath and said, "One day at a time". This is going to be an intense two weeks.

Here is how the day has looked so far:

5:15am-alarm clock
5:30am-run around campus (SO BEAUTIFUL) in the early morning fog. cool down walk looking for coffee.
6:30am-get ready for day
7:15am-breakfast (better coffee than what I found) plus the crispest bacon EVER.
8:00am-Morning Meeting (funny games played, I videotaped as I am today's photographer)
8:30am-Elementary Curriculum Meeting (very cool people, wonderful teachers....)
10:00am-break/networking (not really down time as we are still learning about each other)
10:30am-12noon-Plenary Session with Pearl Rock Kane (Klingenstein Director)-discussions about the issues facing Independent Schools. (very good reassurance from PRK about "private school guilt")
12:00noon-lunch. OMG the food here is SO good and much of it is sustainable or local. Plus...ice cream cone (mint chocolate chip)
1:00pm-3:30pm Diversity Plenary Session(wonderful. engaging. thoughtful)

NOW-"rest time" again, really glad I ran this morning because I totally have to use this time to read and write.
LATER-dinner and then our first small diversity group, we get to tell our "story".....

Will be passing out when the session ends at nine.

This is going to be a lot of work but it is amazing to be with so many brilliant young teachers and passionate lead teachers. It is only day one and all of us are brains on overload.

I can't say I will be able to blog a lot after today, but I will try....

Peace, dear reader.

tri-to-win

Yesterday was the Tri-to-Win sprint in Carroll County, MD. I had practiced the bike course a few times last summer and this summer. I also had a good memory of swimming in the pool at a meet in my childhood, but a pool is a pool.

The course was well managed, the chip-timed starts meant that we went into the pool one at a time (I was 49th) did our laps and went along.

My swim was fairly good. It was 400m of laps in a cool pool. I shared my lane with one other swimmer who I barely noticed. Due to the struggles lingering from my long bike ride I had a hard time keeping a nice "fin" with my right hand, but tried to compensate as best as I can. I'm proud that I did flip turns as I felt like it was important when racing in a pool. They showed me the red dot which indicated my last lap and I hopped out on the other side and crossed the mat. 6:34 (including jogging in/out)

T1 was just a short walk away and I was definitely up in heart rate so I just kept breathing to get it done. I chose not to wear socks in the bike, which I think was a good choice for my foot numbness issues. I was able to make it through in 1:56, not terribly and seemed to be average amongst the top 100 finishers.

I knew the bike would be hard. It has a lot of rolling hills and is very open to the sun. Luckily, the air was cool and fresh and there was a breeze (ok, it was a head wind, but I'm trying to be positive). I tried to keep my cadence up on the straightaways or small inclines, but did have to granny out several times. I was pleased with the way I was moving and just tried to stay steady. I had guessed it would take 1-1:10 to finish this course and was absolutely thrilled when I came in at 54:43. While it is only 14 miles, it is hilly and I just suck on the bike, so this was a great time.

T2 took a little bit longer than usual because after my last sockless 5k blister debacle I knew socks were going on. 1:32.

The run started out on a cross-country type of course that traversed the perimeter of the swim club along the corn before trotting down a farmers stone/dirt driveway and heading out onto Rt. 26. The cross-country surface was tough on my brick legs and I couldn't pick up speed because I was afraid I would fall down. Finally, when I reached 26, there it was the big big hill. I knew it was there but didn't know what was after it, alas, it was another hill. Blacktop, cars rushing by, sunshine and running. I got up the hill and a bit further when I crossed the mile 1 line at8:22, about a minute of my typical 5k pace. I tried to muster over and over again, but didn't have legs underneath me until about mile 2.2 when I crossed that point I saw that my time was dwindling close to 1:30 overall. I thought it would be so cool to come in at 1:30 so I turned up the heat as best as I could passing a gentleman (who had passed me on the bike) and made the final turn up the .2 drive way which was straight up-hill. I heard my name pushed a little more through the grassy finish and clicked the watch. 1:30:02 (official chip: 1:30:03)

84/281 (OA)  5/25 (F 25-29) S-6:34 T1-1:56 B-54:43 T2-1:25 R-25:25 1:30:03

The best part of all, my sister was at the transition every time cheering and at the finish for a hug. I don't think I really "race" triathlons but yesterday was as close as I think I'll get and it was such a joy to have my sister at the finish. It totally made the effort worthwhile to know that someone was there for me.

I have made a lot of progress on my bike confidence, now I just need to balance the effort I make there with my natural sport of running. I have one more tri on my season on July 12, but may add one more just for fun. This one is an Olympic distance, my first and I think it is going to be very hard. Time to put in the miles.....

Happy Exercising today reader.