2008 Fitness Goals

No, these are not resolutions. These are goals. Now that I have spent two months in "recovery" from two marathons (aka sitting on the couch with a lot of ice cream), it is time to set my race goals so that I have something to keep me up and honest in the fitness arena.

Here they are:

March 2, 2008-B&A Trail Half Marathon
Goal: Break 1:40
April 20, 2008-Clyde's American 10K
Goal: Beat PR (47:54)
May 4, 2008-Frederick Half Marathon OR Marathon Relay (tentative due to singing schedule)
Goal: Have fun
June ?, 2008-Pocomoke Sprint Triathlon
Goal: Break 1:30 on the course, improve bike time by at least 5 min.
July 12, 2008-Diamond in the Rough Olympic Triathlon
Goal: Finish an Olympic Distance Tri (this will be my first race in my new age group, thanks USAT)
September 7, 2008-Delaware Diamondman Half Distance Triathlon
Goal: Do not die. Can I really ride 56 miles on my bicycle? Bring on the chamois cream.
October 11, 2008-The Baltimore Marathon (tentative based on Chicago entry)
Goal: If I do Baltimore, it would be for fun. If I get into Chicago, it would be to break 3:55

Other random goals: Spin class, More time in the pool, and make an attempt to try yoga....

ENJOY LIFE BY BEING FIT!

All Hail the ZPack

So after almost three weeks of sickness, I went to the Dr. last Friday (thank you, dear sister, for the ride and companionship). My lovely Dr. is soon to be out on maternity leave, but I was able to obtain a same day appointment with a very nice Dr. who has more degrees than letters in his name. :-)

I would just like to give praise and hail to the ZPack (zithromax) as after ONE dose, I could breathe again. After four doses today I was able to run fairly well and have very little pain.

Yea for prescriptions that actually work.

Happy New Year's Eve to All.

Merry Kleenex Christmas

Happy Day After Christmas readers!

Nothing fancy to say other than had a lovely Christmas with my smart and funny family. (Thank you Adam for teaching me the One-Upper skit from SNL, she is my new favorite character and was a hit at dinner)

Highly recommend the movie "License to Wed" and getting an internal oven thermometer.

Would also like to briefly lament that I have 7 days of vacation left and today, my "pajama day" was spent with my new friend the box of kleenex as Sudafed PE is crap. Thankfully, dear husband is bringing home orange juice. :-)

More when well readers.

Jesus is BORN!

Peace.

the best part

Ran today. Not long (1:15), Not hard (average 9:10/mi). But at least I was out.

The best part, the solitary blue heron standing quietly along the creek near my childhood home. It was just me and the bird, in solitude.

Quiet and beautiful as if we were the only two in the whole of the land. It was as though he knew me and I he as we stood there for a brief moment wondering of each other's purpose. Careful not to interrupt each other as we moved about our day. I wonder if his thoughts were as scattered as mine. I wonder if I had intruded on his morning meditation by chancing to view his beauty for a short time. Then quietly, with hopes not to disturb, went about my way.

Gabriel's Message

I am feeling drawn this morning to listen to Gabriel's Message over and over again. It is a Basque carol by Sabine Baring-Gould (1834-1294) that is loosely based on the Magnificat of Mary found in Luke 1:46-55 and the Christmas story of Luke 2. I don't really think it is the text particularly that is moving me as much as the simplicity of the harmonics. The simple beauty of the polyphony as well as the strophic nature of the piece. As I come down from the rush of getting through the first four months of the school year and look toward the upcoming break, I think it is important that I slow down. This song provides that slowing presence for me.

I think that God provides us winter so that we are forced to slow down. It is highly important at this time of year that we do that to simple sit in wonder at the mystery he gave to us in the form of Jesus Christ.

The Choir of Winchester Cathedral
Sting's Version
Jars of Clay version

Text:

1. The angel Gabriel from heaven came
His wings as drifted snow his eyes as flame
"All hail" said he "thou lowly maiden Mary,
Most highly favored lady," Gloria!

2. "For know a blessed mother thou shalt be,
All generations laud and honor thee,
Thy Son shall be Emanuel, by seers foretold
Most highly favored lady," Gloria!

3. Then gentle Mary meekly bowed her head
"To me be as it pleaseth God," she said,
"My soul shall laud and magnify his holy name."
Most highly favored lady. Gloria!

4. Of her, Emanuel, the Christ was born
In Bethlehem, all on a Christmas morn
And Christian folk throughout the world will ever say:
"Most highly favored lady," Gloria!

after all that hard work, who will know?

Tomorrow is the big Christmas concert at school. My students in grades K-5 have been practicing for six weeks to prepare two songs per group (they are broken into four groups). They have attained a variety of musical objectives along this journey from as small as identifying the genre of spiritual and the background of a song to learning the song from scratch by reading the rhythms and melody off the staff (grade 2!!). They have been working very hard to build strong, in-tune singing voices. They have played instruments as simple as a chord bordun and as difficult as a syncopated pattern. They have listened, reflected, compared and contrasted. They have viewed other versions of their piece on youtube and have listened to other versions without visuals. The children have gone up and down choral risers for two weeks. And now, it is time.

Music programs, for me, are a reflection of the learning that has occurred in the music classroom, not merely standing up and singing pretty songs. Each song has a meaning that the children delve into from both a theoretical and philosophical standpoint. (For example, when singing Rise Up, Shepherd, and Follow-how do we as the "angels" in Luke 2 convince these shepherds to leave their precious sheep and go see a baby, even if it is the Saviour!)

However, as we approach the concert day, I fear not of the success of the performance. I know our children are prepared and will be successful in a variety of ways. They will attain success by having learned so many things and by demonstrating the courage to stand before their peers and elders and performing. I will be incredibly proud, I already am. But my fears lay deeply in the response to our performance. There are many out there who have expectations for performance that I do not understand. Many whom will not truly understand all of the things our children have gained in the preparation process. Many whom will see the parts rather than the whole. And many whom will leave lovely "suggestions" in my inbox before Christmas break. It is this response that gives me anxiety and keeps me from truly enjoying my student's success.

A dear friend said, "just tell them everything you told me" when I explained my anxiety and my joy of my students learning. I think I am a place where I feel comfortable addressing unfounded or uneducated criticism. I believe that I can share with these critics what has been learned while at the same time respecting their opinions and expectations, however misguided. I know that in the end, all that matters is that the children feel they have had a positive experience.

But in the meantime, the next 24 hours will be only slightly frought with nerves...

game day player

Yesterday, after a week off of all exercise due to illness, I ran the Celtic Solstice 5 miler in Druid Lake Park. I approached this race with trepidation and anticipation. Trepidation, in that I knew I was quite under-trained. Anticipation, in the hopes that this under-training would provide fresh and fast legs. I also presented this race to myself as a coin flip; do well and keep running, do poorly and reassess the possibility of "retirement". Well, someone out there wants me to keep running because it was a great day. Yes, the course is incredibly forgiving; flat after mile 1 with a huge downhill finish, but I was able to be a game day player. I was able to run a consistent pace for 5 miles with negative splits (again, downhill finish), and I was able to fight through the gunk in my chest and the side stitches that started at mile 3 and get through the race in a respectable time. It was not the fastest in the field or the slowest, but it was a validation. A validation that despite my waist size, inconsistent training, terrible fall, and wonky gait that I am supposed to do this running thing. It was a validation that while I am not the fastest in my small circle of running "people", I am also not the slowest. This race, however, like many that I have run in my short running life of five years, is a bit of a carrot. It dangles in front of me and says, "look what you can do when you sit on your rear and eat donuts! What could you do if you actually put effort into it?" So now I as the holidays draw closer and the holiday cheerful food sits before me on a regular basis, I ponder my options. For the rest of today, I bask in the glow of being a game day player, despite a month of inconsistency.

Celtic Solstice 5 miler. 37:29 (7:50, 7:30, 7:30, 7:30, 6:55) Woo Hoo!

the human petri dish

I love my job. I love teaching children about music. Leading them to new experiences with singing, playing instruments, and epiphany's while listening to great works...it is thrilling and soul feeding.

However, when a teacher is sick, particularly this teacher 5 days away from the big holiday concert, there is no respite. For teachers, taking the time to obtain a substitute and having to write lessons plans when ill makes the illness all that much worse.

Today just happened to be one of those days. I was really lucky that my kids were dreams and focused really hard while I struggled with a negative reaction to my cold/cough remedy and still had the cold....gosh, I'm lucky.

It's funny. In the 28 months I worked away from a school environment, I was sick one time. Literally, three weeks before I left San Diego, I was sick for three days, one time. Alas, working in the human petri dish that is any school and you are bound to contract all kinds of lovely things. Our current school epidemic has run its course through 3rd and 5th grade, both of which I teach! We wash, we sanitize, we drink water, and we use kleenex and lysol, but what are we to do, it is part of the joy of our jobs. No, really, the red noses and bleery eyes of children with colds just make them all that more endearing. And, being the teacher of elementary children, they are incredibly empathetic to their sick teachers.

So yes, it is frustrating going to school sick and fighting through to be engaging, inspiring, and caring when all you want to do is go under the covers, but seeing the smiling faces and hearing them sing their hearts out made it worth it.

No we are not crazy, we are determined

It was cold. I purposely did not turn on the tv to see how cold because I knew it would deter me. I arose at 4:30 am, layered up in wicking yet supposedly warm clothes and headed to MM's for our run. We made an agreement that I would run the first 12 of her 18 miles this morning before work...yes, before work. So we ran two loops and completed 12.5 miles in 1 hour and 59 minutes. Most of me was cold most of the time, but my feet, thanks to my new smartwool socks, were toasty. The rest of me is still recovering from the cold 12 hours later. Why you ask? Oh yes, because it was 22 degrees with snow and ice on the ground. Crazy? Maybe a little, but man did my endorphins run all day.

It felt great and validated why I love running long distances, plus, catching up with my pal makes 12 miles go by pretty fast. (Or if could be she is just an awesome pacer) either way, it was great.

End of an Era?

I write from my red chair tonight contemplating where I shall go this year (well, technically next) with my running/athletic life. This summer/fall training and racing season behind me and one full month past since my 2nd marathon, I find myself completely uninterested at the prospect of another round of training. Perhaps this is the post-marathon slump, but after watching my PR plummet by over 20 minutes this season, I wonder why am I still doing this?

I feel as though I have disappointed everyone who knows me with my poor performances. I feel as though all those with whom I train have thoroughly surpassed my ability and while they challenge me; I feel I bring them down or prevent them from doing their best.

I am at a crossroads where I need to make commitments to:
A. Run another marathon and run my tail off to bring my decent times back?
B. Run a marathon for fun (as NYC was) and just enjoy the training?
C. Just continue running for fitness and overall health?
D. Bag the distance thing and stick to sprint triathlons?

I do not want this to be the end of five years of running, but I need some kind of fresh start.

pajamas inside out

I do believe that I am not the only teacher (or kid) in the DC metro area that will be wearing her pj's on inside out tonight. The day-long snow was Rockwell-esque as I gazed outside my 2nd floor window out to the trees and observed our youngest children, just age 5, frolicking out in the first snowfall.

It was cold, dismissal duty miserably wet, and the drive home rough, but as I saw my dog rejoicing in the four inches of white powder in the backyard, all was made well again.

Hope the cocoa makings are in the pantry and that channel 4 gives me good news tomorrow.

Are we teaching them the way?

A video I have created to begin my presentation on curriculum theorist and educator Carl Glickman. I created it to churn the thoughts of my classmates about the way we teach (or do not teach) democracy and the democratic process in today's schools.

How do you put it into words?

It is hard to truly put into words my experience over the weekend. Running the NYC Marathon for Team Hole in the Wall has now secured it's place among the top life-changing experiences that I encountered. I have followed the "goings-on" of this camp for several years now and have been touched by the stories and excited about the mission. I even considered changing my career path completely to apply for a job at Camp Painted Turtle a few years ago. I have never been good at fundraising, so I did not take on this cause lightly. And while my fundraising will never be called spectacular, running for this team has made an incredible impact on me.

This place, this amazing place. This place where children go to escape the day to day elements of their pain and suffering and become regular kids. Where they meet children like them, who truly understand what they are going through. Where they are treated with love, respect, and share laughter, tears, and if not physical healing, at least a sense of mental healing from their anguish. The amazing support the families receive, both during camp and in the months and years that follow. This place, this amazing place.

And I, but for a brief few hours, became a part of this amazing place. I became one with the people who spend their life's work with these children. These incredible individuals whose passion and dedication is evident in everything they do. They are mission focused, love and laughter, to help kids with serious illness. I can think of no better purpose than this....

The Hole in the Wall Gang Executive Director, Jimmy Canton, shared his favorite quote with our team:

“This is the true joy in life … being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one … being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy … I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It’s a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing on to future generations.”--George Bernard Shaw

This quote stuck with me through every mile of the marathon. For in every small twinge of pain, for in every moment of mental cloudiness, I returned my thoughts to camp. I kept my mind focused on the child whom we "met" through the camp DVD. This child, whose life was changed so profoundly by HITWGC that when he passed away, he declared it, "passing through the hole in the wall." It is this image that I cannot, even two days later, remove from my mind. This child, who found joy and peace through a week at camp, and support and love as he passed through the hole in the wall to his death. How can one not be changed forever by this image?

In a moment of star-struck awe we listened as Mr. Newman spoke to us and gave us the encouragement to "raise hell". For that was his goal when he founded the camp 20 years ago, to build a place where children could laugh and raise a little hell. For all children deserve these opportunities regardless of their health. A child on the inside is joyous, brilliant, beautiful, strong, resilient, and hopeful no matter what the body is doing to take away that joy. Camp allows these children to be all of the things they are and should be able to be. What the body takes away, camp gives back.

Usually after a marathon, I pick apart the mile splits and discuss how I felt at what mile and how I could have changed this or that. I usually beat myself up for a slow time or for not pushing hard enough. But this is not like that. Running this race, running in this town, running for these children was the best, most exhilerating marathon I have ever run and I will not soon, nor perhaps ever, be able to replicate an experience such as this. The race course was certainly not easy but with millions of fans shouting my name and with each shout, I remembered that name was written above the name of my TEAM. Every time someone passed me, they were able to see the names of the generous benefactors that helped me support the cause of a child. They are the true heroes, for I simply had to run a marathon, they had to part with their material worth to help a child with serious illness.

I hope that I can continue to be an ambassador for this camp, for these children. I have felt as though a new mission has been created within me. That somewhere God has stirred my heart to take strong look at my ability to advocate for these children, to be a part of this camp in a greater way. Perhaps, it is residual glow from the experience of this race and these amazing people. Perhaps, it is exhaustion that has yet to be refreshed manifesting itself into a desire to be something different. Perhaps it is the still, small voice calling through the hole in the wall. Regardless of its origin, I can only hope that as the days away from this experience grow longer, that I will not soon forget its impact, nor ever forget these kids.

ok ok, Lance is pretty cool

For the last two or so years, I have been agreed with many that Lance Armstrong has achieved amazing sport success and is an inspiration to those who have conquered cancer. But I have not been super comfortable with his personal life choices, particularly being a frequent reader of his ex-wife Kristen's blog However, last night I attended 10-The Event, a celebration of 10 years of the Ulman Cancer Fund for Young Adult and my feelings have been changed.

Over 1000 supporters of UCF and fans of Lance attended a great reception, dinner, and auction to raise funds for the UCF programs for young adults stricken with cancer. The foundation was founded by Doug Ulman, who is currently the president of LAF. His story and the story of his family is absolutely amazing. Recently, the foundation has created a partnership with IronGirl, which is close to my heart. Cancer survivors young and old, supporters rich and average told their stories and were awarded plaques from the UCF to celebrate their success. County Executive Ken Ulman, brother of Doug, announced with celebration that Howard County would now be providing health care to all citizens, regardless of their insurance coverage. Governor O'Malley spoke to audience and extolled the virtues of the UCF and also of the need for more comprehensive health care initiatives, one of his successes in Maryland.

The pinnacle of the evening was, of course, a speech by Lance Armstrong. He and the UCF founder, Doug, have known each other for ten years when both of them were fighting and surviving their own cancer battles. Lance was articulate, passionate, funny, and thoughtful. He spoke as though he were speaking to around the dinner table, rather than to 1000+ paying guests and dignitaries. Yes, he has spoken in front of large audiences and cameras for a long time, but he is not a glossed over talking head. He has learned everything that he possible needs to know about cancer so that he can use his celebrity for good. He is not interested in selling his brand of cycling gear, or doing a bunch of for-profit commercials. He wants a cure for cancer. He wants those fighting cancer and those who have survived to be supported. His short fifteen minute speech was enough to make me a believer in his cause and proud to have shared a space with him.

For more information:
Lance Armstrong Foundation
Ulman Cancer Fund for Young Adults

Proudest Moment So Far.

It is not every day you can say you're having your most proud moment as a teacher, thus far. In six years of teaching, I have been proud a lot. But I have never been as proud as I was today to conduct my students at the Washington National Cathedral. They stood, 35 fifth graders, strong and joyous as they sang for a congregation of several hundred Episcopal School peers. What a blessing to have been there with them today.

Counting My Blessings

Two days ago I ran the Twin Cities Marathon It was the hottest October 9th on historical record in Minneapolis/St. Paul. We knew as soon as we walked out the hotel room door that it was going to be a warm day. Who knew that it could be 77 degrees at 8 am in October in Minnesota? Who could have imagined that it would be 85 degrees with extensive humidity by 10am? And what kind of lunatic would go ahead and run a marathon in that weather? Yours truly and my DH of course!

I set off with lofty goals of that ever looming BQ time, 3:40. The RP and I had trained so hard to try to maintain this pace and then hopefully at least salvage something under 3:50. But alas, the weather got the best of me. Come mile 13 came stomach cramps, nausea, quad cramps, and a lack of mental clarity. Past me went the 3:40 pacer, the 3:50, the 4:00.....and around mile 20 the 4:15. The amazing, fantastic, caring, and gracious TC residents provided hoses of water, extra salty and sweet treats, music, cheers, and general joy as me and 7500 close friends held on for dear life for 26.2 miles. As I was walk-running my last four miles, I made a determination to run the last mile w/o walking and to pass the darn guys dressed as beer bottles (seriously? how were they not dying of heat). I made that goal and finished in my worst time in three years, 4:22. 42 minutes off my goal. Reading blogs later that night and on Monday, it appeared that many were in my same predicament.

But.....we had water at every stop and our course was not closed early. Running colleagues in Chicago, facing the same weather conditions, did not have enough water and many were diverted off the course and after months of agonizing training, not allowed to finish the entire marathon. Two runners, in Chicago and D.C. doing the Army 10, perished in the heat of the races. We, in Minneapolis/St. Paul, were blessed with no deaths and an amazing EMS crew that cared for 250 participants who were brought to local hospitals for various illness, many heat related.

At the end of the day, DH, several friends, and I were able to finish a marathon. A feat we had trained for since July. We were blessed as the Lord saw fit to help us cross safely and without any major health problems.

I am counting my blessings this day for the safety I experienced, for the crowds who gave of themselves for us, and for a city who embraced us.

It's Taper Time

For the last several years, the two weeks that are the most dreaded during the year are the two that lead up to the marathon. After months of training, in snow or heat, running long and hard, the two weeks of rest and easy running leading to the race day are possibly the worst. In the next two weeks, I will dramatically cut my mileage and speed yet continue to eat the normal amount. This leads to feeling slightly sluggish, lead legged, and then, in turn, leads to many psychosomatic symptoms and delusions of grandeur with regard to one's upcoming race.

So I will point out the facts to attempt to distinguish any delusions with regard to my current fitness status.

The facts: I did over do my last 20 miler and now have nagging pain in my calf and foot. I have purchased and worn new shoes and insoles to try and remedy the problem. I'm also on ice, a lot.

The facts: I trained really well with my RP this season. We ran hard and fast in the heat, in the rain, and in the really early morning. We did 3 20's (she did 4) and numerous high mileage LR's as well as speedy fast times round that track. We have trained with a lofty goal and we have stayed pretty well focused.

The facts: I train on rolling hills, Minneapolis Minnesota does not have said hills thereby giving me a slight muscular endurance advantage. And the mental tenacity to conquer the "giant" long slow grade at mile 20.

The facts: I really want to do well this time round. I would very much like to reach my lofty goal so I can slow the heck down and enjoy and savor my running.

In the next two weeks, I will think I'm fat and slow. I will have weird pains as my muscles recover from 16 weeks of beatings. I will have trouble sleeping. I may not get over this pain in my foot. But, I will still approach the starting line in Minneapolis well trained and well rested.

If only that could come so much faster than 14 days.

Peace.

first impressions

Sunday morning I felt like the clouds had parted and the sun began to shine, directly on me. After a long summer putting off the church search, I girded up my strength and took the leap to visit a new parish on Sunday morning. Reticient to try a new Episcopal church, having been let down by so many, I hoped that the neighborhood of this church and its simple website would lead to finding a great "hidden gem". My hunches could not have led me to a more wonderful place.

Simply sitting in the parking lot, I was able to "check" a lot of things off my list. Once I entered the worship and education building, I was greeting with boisterous children, a bright, open, and sunny sanctuary, well but casually dressed men and women of every race. I was greeted warmly by several parishoners. The service was traditional but connected, it was clear that many parishoners were truly engaged in the liturgy, as if it were brand new. The sermon was based on a traditional parable but at the same time thoughtful and relevant. The choir, on their first Sunday since summer hiatus, was excellent.

This was a great worship place and space. My immediate connections with the people tell me so much about the church. I only pray that God has given me this blessing not as a fleeting occasion but perhaps as a home.

Peace.

reflections: first week of school

I have always taken great pleasure in the first day of school. This year was no exception. Every school year seems to bring a little something different, a new job, new room, and always, new kids. My first impressions this year find me with mixed feelings. Particularly in the area of curriculum development. Being consistently torn between constructivist leanings and allowing the children's own curiousity to guide the curriculum and being stuck in the rut of traditional scope and sequence. So much of it is about control. Spending my life as a Type A control freak, but so desperately desiring to give kids a break from this control. This type of discovery leads to all the things a Type A might not be able to handle, noise, unanticipated outcomes, and a general sense of uncertainty. What will they think of today? Will we actually get to two part harmony in fourth grade if we spend a significant amount of time in research?

There are many so much stronger than me who already know the answers to these questions and the way to develop meaningful curriculum while at the same time mastering essential concepts. I am thankful that I am blessed with the time and patience of students and colleagues to discover this balance for myself, sort of my own constructivist lesson.

The first week of school is always a new discovery. As it comes to a close, I hope I have taken in the lovely moments, assessed our starting point, and look ahead to 160 more days of learning.

it's as simple as talking

I had a great discussion yesterday with a colleague with whom I share many values. We were lamenting the state of public education and the "failing" schools who are failing because the test scores count for all students, including the ones with a lack of proficient English and those in need of full special education services. We, like so many in our field of education, find these to be great injustices. This conversation went on like so many others, talking in circles about society, social responsibility, immigration, testing, working etc. etc. etc.

We ended our cyclical conversation which I know we will come back to many times and said our goodbyes. Then this morning as I ran round the lake the second time, I passed a mother and her school age (testable age of about 9) son. I was pleased they were exercising and walking together, but horrified to see that instead of engaging in conversation, they were each zoned out to their ipods. In the interest of full disclosure, I too had my ipod on this morning as I ran 15 miles, 9 of which I ran solo. My mind raced with worry for this child. What a perfect opportunity to spend time in conversation with your child, as the summer days are fleeting. A time to bask in the beauty of nature, talk about the upcoming year, talk about baseball or girls or ps3. Of course I do not know the entire story, but my mind was consumed with worry that this child was not engaging in dialogue with his mother.

If he is not having conversations with his mother whilst they exercise, is he talking in school? Is he thinking critically? Is he engaged with his peers or do they all shut themselves up in a white headphoned world?

I think back to those test scores and know deeply that the teacher cannot raise them alone. Educating our children is a two-way street, a partnership in their future. Each adult that is responsible for leading a child to knowledge must play an active role for the child to realize the value of learning. It doesn't have to mean using high-falutin' words at dinner or having "geography quiz" on car trips (Thanks, Mom and Dad) or even throwing every technological advance at the child. It is as simple as talking. Talking to our children. Engaging them in things they want to talk about, they need to talk about or they might not observe on their own.

So perhaps, every so often, we turn the ipods and instant messaging off. We take our walks without the ear buds or eat dinner without john stewart or spongebob in the background. For it is in this talking that we will grow and we will teach our children to grow.

Iron Girl 2007 Race Report

I am waking up this morning sore and stiff, but in the best way. My body is saying-"you went all out and now we must rest." Yesterday was the IronGirl 2007 Columbia Triathlon.

May I first say, before the official race report, that it was awesome to see so many people out cheering whom I knew and said my name. There is nothing like hearing Go Sarah and seeing a friend! Sandy, Joe, Pat,Shane, Maggie, Paul, Angela, Rebecca, Ron, Jane, Emma, Cait, and Tom, and of course, Jose all gave me a reason to push a little harder and smile! Also, knowing that Wendy, Jane, Joanne, Victoria, Patti, Liz, and Denise were all out racing gave me such great joy. What a privilege to know such strong women.

I was a little nervous as the drizzle hit our car as we drove to the park on Sunday. But I had prayed for overcast skies, so I suppose I was getting my prayer answered. We arrived and I was Body Marked, SO COOL. I now felt like a real triathlete (my first race didn't have marking). I ventured alone into the transition area and found "Big Blue" (my bike) where I'd left her with her protective baggy on the saddle. I started to set up my space which was about the size of a shoe box. I put out all the gear, the shoes, the socks, race belt, sunglasses, helmet, extra towel and felt very good about my space.

My group, dark green caps 25-29 A-L did not start the swim until 8:04, so I had an agonizing hour of watching each previous group jump off the dock and enter the water. It gave me a chance to cheer for the girls as they each started their first leg. Finally the time came, we were summoned to the line and I went right to the front, just to avoid being kicked as much as possible. I jumped into the yummy green water and waded out near the start. It was the longest five minutes ever. I worried about my too big chip which I had waterproof taped to my ankle. Finally, 3-2-1 start. Head in and pulling away, right away someone kicked my chip and there went the tape, so my chip, though velcroed, had a long flappy thing hanging off my ankle. Needless to say, my kicking in the water wasn't exactly fierce. I continued to pull away and stayed with the first few ladies until the first turn, when they took off. We started to pass orange, yellow, and red caps and I only had one almost kick in the face from a young lady swimming elementary backstroke. I kept sighting and was starting to wonder when this swim was going to end. The practice swim was so fast, but this swim went on for-EVER. There was a short time when I felt like I was the only one in the lake. The first four green caps were way ahead and then it was me, this soon passed as I caught up to the last orange buoy. Then I dodged lots of colors of caps to reach the beach. Finally, I felt sand underneath my hands and started to stand up. Then I almost fell down (darn vestibular system, right Maggie?!) but though embarrassed, recovered to reach the path. I looked at my time and was really shocked, 19:32 was not what I had hoped for, but what can you do when you are officially upright and on dry land?

I trudged up the mud and through 15 lanes of bikes before reaching my spot where I found Big Blue. I dressed and geared up as quickly as possible, but it was truly slow at 3:39 before I trudged up the hill, saw Jose (yea) and clipped in to start the bike.

Ah, the bike. The part I most dread. Luckily, PS had done a great job of working on my chain and I was peddling very easy in the big ring until I got to Carroll Mill. I listened to Jose's advice about getting into the middle without jumping and it worked! I was able to switch down in preparation for Mt. Albert. Screaming cheers to the ladies as I ascended, I was able to get all the way to the black mailbox without jumping to granny!!!! This was such an ego boost. Plus, I was playing tag with another gal on a blue cannondale synapse, we were buddies for about 9 miles. I jammed through that neighborhood feeling very excited and pleased with myself. I knew that going down the hill from GCS, I would find two lovely sisters, their lovely significant others, and two adorable blonde nieces cheering quite loudly. I gave a wave and hammered up Folly Quarter all the way to the middle school where I made the nice turn and headed home. I picked up a lot of speed, though interrupted slightly by a very rude Land Cruiser (who honks at cyclists during a bike race?), and waved again at the family before trudging up the GCS hill in the BIG RING!!!!!! Heading home was very nice and I tried as much as possible to cheer for all the ladies around me, who knew I would pass people? The final turn into the park was very emotional as I completed the course three minutes faster than ever before and I knew the best was yet to come.

The second transition was as quick as I could unclipping and lace locking, sometimes I wish we just had one pair of shoes! Under 2 min was good enough considering the distance all the way from row 15 to the final portion of the race, the RUN!

I was very excited at first and started to pass quite a few ladies feeling really confident. I tried again to hoot and holler for everyone around us, it was amazing to see all of the ladies trudging up and down those ridiculous Centennial hills. I hit the 1 mile point and checked my watch 7:15!!! Holy Cow, I knew I would quickly fade as I was passed by two gals in my age group going so fast I could barely speak, they were gone in a flash. I pressed on through the "pretty section" with the straightaway through the green trees just past the bridge. This is normally a serene spot, but I let out a holler for the ladies anyway. I knew it was coming, the hill. I made the turn left and concentrated on moving my arms to get up and around the hill on the extra loop. I heard the music and found M&P at the water stop! Yea! Cheering. Gatorade, yum. It helped me fly down the hill and around the fields, and then back up the hill to more Gatorade and Cheering. Seeing Maggie made me kick harder down the last hill and go back into the park. I saw Victoria in her muscular greatness and Wendy in her pink skirt and knew we were having a great day! We hit the 3 mile mark and it was time to turn it up .4 to go with only one last hill. Some random man said "nice kick Sarah, finish hard". Ok, I am able to follow directions under pressure, so off I went and blasted up the hill. The last bit was all about speed, so pushing those arms forward I sprinted towards the line, knowing that I could get under 1:55. And so I crossed the line in 1:54:09!!

And it was OVER! 9 months of training and complaining and it was finished! I met my time goal very nicely and felt so good about my bike that I have not yet put it in the basement as I had planned. All my hearty thanks go to all the coaches and friends and family and training partners who have helped along the way. Guiding, Teaching, Leading, and Coercing me into this triathlon thing. For I could not have crossed the line at all without you.

For the record:
Swim: 19:32 T1: 3:29 Bike 1:03:10 (16.6 mph) T2 1:42 Run 26:18 (7:45) TOTAL: 1:54:09
AG place: 31st swim, 52nd bike, 18th run 29/255 AG 131/1556 OA

A Blessed Day.

dwindling time

The summer is about to come to a close. While I officially have one more week of summer rest, every teacher knows that entering the classroom on the day one returns is like asking to be hit with a tsunami of tasks. This is particularly true for me this year as I am moving to a new classroom! A blessing, but an undertaking that I hadn't quite fathomed before.

Every summer, I place in front of myself personal and professional tasks of a monumental size. And, every summer as I reach mid-August, I find myself lamenting the tasks which I did not accomplish rather than the things that I did. So I shall now have a moment of self horn-tooting to reflect upon that which I was able to accomplish in a short nine weeks time.

1. Completion of two three-credit graduate courses for which I received two A's. During which I read, four text books including the ever enlightening 600 page "School Law", two reams of paper's work of law case study and analysis, wrote 10 mini-papers, 1 case study, 1 research paper, 1 interview project, and two finals. (All in six weeks time)

2. Re-wrote the summer grant manual for our school with a colleague. A thoughtful and reassuring experience.

3. Rode over 100 miles on my bicycle (cumulatively), Ran at least 100 miles in my running shoes including several 16-20 mile feats. Swam for hours...

4. Completed my first triathlon, my second is Sunday.

5. Tried many new recipes for family dinner including Beet Risotto, Harvest Turkey Burgers (Rachael Ray 365) and Mini Greek Kabobs. (all excellent)

6. Enjoyed three trips to visit family for weddings and parties.

7. Had a fantastic visit with my bff in Kansas

8. Spent countless hours with two blonde angels who are under 5 and their fabulous Mommy.

9. Slept in a lot.

10. Spent one blissful hour at the pool of my childhood

11. Read three fiction books for useless enjoyment including Sammy's House by Kristin Gore (daughter of you-know-who)

12. Read two nerdy teacher/arts books. Read one whimsical teacher inspiration book.

13. Participated in an awesome CSA.

14. Watched The Devil Wears Prada more times than seems reasonable to mention.

15. Spent a lot of time napping and playing fetch with one certain 15 pound furry creature.

16. Finally completed last year's curriculum maps. (Now I will do them the "right" way for this year)

17. Enjoyed dinner over nightly reruns of The Daily Show with my dh.

18. Saw Shrek 3, Harry Potter 5, The Bourne Ultimatum, and Becoming Jane all AT the movie theater!

19. Wrote edited and sent 80 fundraising letters for Team Hole in the Wall.

Ok, so maybe I didn't spend the whole summer solving world hunger or becoming the world's best teacher, but I did find respite from a year of chaos. One week away, the cycle begins again and I'm grateful for this time I have had to catch up on perpetual lost sleep, rid myself of frenetic scheduling, and put constant motion on pause.

The time dwindles, but I will spend at least this hour in gratitude.

14 hours on the road for 12 hours with family.

A lesson I learned this weekend. When you think it would be "fun" to pack four adults and two children under five in an 8 passenger SUV and drive 6 hours to and 8 hours from Long Island New York to spend approximately 12 hours with family,.....hit yourself in the head with a frying pan and get a train ticket or a plane ticket.

I love my family and had a great weekend, but it is going to be a long day of recovery from riding in a car.

Why is is easy to sit on the couch all day, but so darn hard to ride in a car all day?

Really glad its summer break.

HP Tunes

Yesterday, I finally was able to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It was a splendid film and I will not give you "spoilers" on this page, but as I watched I wondered if perhaps I was over thinking my reactions to several things within the movie. Even now, as the website plays its tunes on another firefox tab, I am drawn to some thoughts about the score.

Let me first admit freely that I love John Williams. I am a biased John Williams fan and, in fact, teach a lesson about him every year to my children at school. So needless to say I was a little worried that this particular film score would lose the HP identity. Given the darker nature of the films as they have been made, I was worried that the score would be too scary. Nicholas Hooper has done a marvelous job. Weaving the original Hedwig's theme, by John Williams, into a lush score with a strong string emphasis. There is no shortage of trumpet and trombone fanfare, but he gives a strong showing in orchestrating many difficult aspects of the film. The Professor Umbridge theme is awesome. I love the string and bells oom-pahing their way as she pounds down the hall, awash in pink!

DJU (Dolores Jane Umbridge) is such a great character to me that I shall blog about her in my next post....

For now, a quote from the film: Besides, the world isn't split into good people and death eaters. We have all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the power we chose to act on. That’s who we really are--Sirius Black

Thank you Mr. Rouse

40 years ago this summer, a man named James Rouse, a prominent local architect and entrepreneur (and grandpa of Edward Norton!), had a brain child. To form a mixed use community where people could live, play, and work all in a central location. Where open and green space was crucial and where people of diverse walks of life could be one community. It was through this vision that he founded Columbia, MD. Within Columbia there would be villages that would have a range of housing options from rental apartments to single family homes. Each village would have cul-de-sac settings with communal mailboxes so that neighbors would meet and visit. Every village would have an accessible "center" with a grocery store, dry cleaners, bank, dining options, and local business. The villages would be linked together by a series of walking paths that were cut through the natural river and creek system in the area. The woodlands and much of the green areas would be preserved for the community to enjoy.

I grew up in Columbia near the village of Harper's Choice, attended Longfellow Elementary, swam for the Harper's Choice Challenge, and attended the Slayton House Camp of the Arts. My friends lived on streets with great names such as Eliot's Oak Road, Rivendell Row, and the best, Iron Pen Place (all Longfellow poetic references). I remember the year that Centennial Park was opened less than a mile from my house and it had a HUGE big lake and lots of grass. I remember loving that my friends came from many walks of life, both racially and socio-economically but I had no idea we were different. I thought we were all the same, because we went to the same school and loved Red Rover at recess. We had been together since Kindergarten, swimming together, going on Brownie camping trips together, and singing together in Chorus and in Alice in Wonderland. After fifth grade, I had to move, but it gave me great joy many years later in high school to hear that these friends had pretty much stayed together for years to come.

When I had the choice to settle somewhere and decide to start my "real life", I knew I had to come to Columbia. The town has changed, not all of Mr. Rouse's vision has been preserved, many new village areas are not as diverse and much of the Howard County sprawl is encroaching on the Columbia town lines. However, I chose to move less than a mile from my elementary school. I live on a cul-de-sac and have neighbors of diverse walks of life. I go to Centennial Park almost once a week to ride and am dreading swimming in that once "brand new HUGE lake" for my triathlon in the fall.

I have never been as happy living in Columbia as I was this past weekend. We met up with some friends at the park to enjoy the 4th of July. We set up our picnic on the edge of a large grassy area near the lake. As I sat back enjoying the breezy day, I looked around me. Every major racial group was represented in the park. Lots of families, enjoying good wholesome fun. Non-picnickers were enjoying the bike path on feet, skates, and bikes. Kites, dogs, and popsicles all got to be a part of the day. Ipods, playstations, and computers were not. All were welcome to come and go, use and care for the space, and enjoy nature. As I observed all around me, I couldn't help but think that perhaps this was what Mr. Rouse had hoped for in his original vision for Columbia. I would hope that he would have been proud on this day. I was certainly proud to call myself a Columbian!

Running Music

I have never been one to equate natural sounds with music. I like the sound of rushing water, or chirping birds, but I have never found it musical per say. Today, that changed a bit. I was concentrating on my breathing as RP and I ran round the track, mile repeats at 7:05 or less. I always find it interesting how we start with such calm heart beats and silent breathing until about halfway around the first lap when we get into an audible rhythm. Today the music created started with the pat-pat of our feet in a forward motion, in sync with one another. Then my breathing first, hee-huh, hee-hoooo, picking up tempo. Then hers, ooo-aahhh, ooo-aahhh. An occasional sniffle or spit (from me) to break the monotony. The breathing is fast and the patter is steady until the final, hewwwwww---ahhhhhh at the stomp of the step on the finish line.

It was the music made today that led me to think about connections with PE and music. How could the sounds our breathing make during physical activity become a musical piece?

Always the teacher right?

But today, the music made was organic in a way that not even singing can produce. It was primal in a way that not even the deepest jungle beats can replicate. Our breath, our feet, and for one short moment, a mind completely in focus. That is what I call beautiful music.

Pushing the Limits.

My RP and I are entering our third week of "Boston Qualifying" training. Our race(s) is on October 7th and we are following the toughest training schedule ever. This week was particularly brutal as the temp on Tuesday at 5:30am was 86 degrees. Today at 6:30 it was similar. We pushed through our 5x1000 @ -4:20 and today our 3 mi tempo at 7:40, but there was definitely no room for talking, breathing takes all of our effort.

I have progressed well in the last five years of running, making good improvements. But with my awesome RP I have come to realize that goals are not achieved by complacency. The fast runners are fast because they practice fast. The good cyclists are good because the ride, a lot. Time off is not an option. Listen to the body, of course, but not for two days. The next 14 weeks are about pushing the limits of the body in a new way. The goal is a 3:40 marathon, but really the goal is seeing how far the body can be pushed on a consistent basis.

Perhaps the mental gains of tenacity and courage will outweigh the physical results. At this point, the mental strength gains will provide a lasting benefit. One which can be transferred to many areas of life, not merely the race course.

14 weeks.

You'd think it would be relaxing?

Ahh...summer. That every blessed time in a teacher's life when one can rest, rejuvenate, read, relax, and take care of everything that gets put off from September to June. Umm, yeah, right....

In my ever pressing quest to gain knowledge, read, write, and engage in educational discourse, I decided it would be a good idea to take two grad classes in one summer session. Six weeks of classes-four nights a week-three hours a night-homework every day and one big stinking paper=6 credits and one fried brain.

I am in my second week of this misguided choice and my brain is tired. I thought it would be great, class at night, train and homework during the day. That was before I stepped into School Law. The workload and concepts are not tragically difficult, but the reading, oh the reading. I love to read. I read for pleasure and for knowledge. At one time, I seriously considered going to law school to help build my understanding in order to go into school policy. I have completed reversed any thinking that I ever had in that realm because of three classes of School Law.

Training? Sure, but only if I continue to get up at 5:30am in the summer. Great for the impending heat, but still so early.

It burns the toast of every teacher to hear from non-teacher's "you have the summer off, nice job". But I think that I have officially put myself on the "do not even think about saying that to me list". I have done this by my own free will, but it doesn't make the first week of summer easier....

It will be relaxing in five weeks.

Race Report

I finished my first tri today and I am so happy to have it done. There was so much anticipation leading up to the race after 5 months of training, I am happy to say that I am a triathlete!

I completed the Pocomoke Triathlon this morning and it was quite a neat experience. We got there really early so I could watch other people set up their transition spaces and then set up my appropriately. I stuck a few toes into the lukewarm pond water and began a two hour long debate of "wetsuit v. no wetsuit". The time finally came for the pre race announcements and the next thing I knew I was stuffing myself into my wetsuit (for extra buoyancy) and wading out into the seaweedy pond.

Women 29-under went in wave 2. I sized up the wave, lots of ladies in swimsuits.....several admitted newbies like me. But considering my comfort with water, my discomfort with pack swimming and my extra layer of neoprene and rubber, I stepped up on our sand bar starting point in the front and center. This turned out to be a great strategic move as I had open water (it was really clear) for the first half of the swim. As I looked around me only two other ladies from my wave were up ahead, which was nice. We caught the mens wave (29-under) and I passed several fellas but still not a lot of wake or kicking, which was nice. I think I "over sighted" and could have kept my head down but I just didn't want to swim to far in the wrong direction. All in all, I swam fairly straight. We hit the sand bar, walked across and I waded/swam until I had to walk again. I came third woman out of the water, which was a good mental boost. (10:01) Took off running and headed for the scary part....the bike.

T1 was funny. I couldn't get my wetsuit off around my ankle chip and was panicking for a short while that I would not be able to ride because of my darn suit, but finally it acquiesed and I was quickly jersey-ed, socked, shoed, helmeted and off. The bike course was nice and flat as paper. We had some small technical turns, but without hills and with little to no traffic it was smooth sailing. I just kept trying to remember to pedal fast, pedal fast. I kept getting passed by fast men and then came the quick ladies, but I had someone in front (not too close, of course) that was really riding well and so I stayed 50 or so yards from her most of the ride. We passed all sorts of God's creatures, cows, hogs, bleating goats, a horse and lots and lots of chicken farms. I certainly wasn't fast on the bike but I did make a little attack (that word sounds so sinister) towards the end of a gal who had passed me in the last two miles (grrrrr). I had not been as fast as I would have hoped on a flat course, but the head wind sucked tremendously. To the point that I was afraid I would be knocked over. But alas, I finished (50:something) which meant I could move to my favorite part....the run.

T2 was superfast (thank you lace locks) but I got so excited I almost feel down forgetting my legs would be anvils. I recovered well and took off for the 3.5 mile flat run in completely direct sunlight (did I mention it was about 90 degrees in Pocomoke this morning?) I passed several people on the run including the lovely gal in the white top I followed the entire way on the bike. My first mile was a 7:20 and I was really hopeful I would maintain, but the sun just kicked my tail. I just wanted to get to the turn around which felt as though it would never come, but slightly past the sickly sweet gaseous chicken farm, there it was water and a turnaround!! So I made the turn and just kept kicking. At this point, my heart was about to jump out of my chest and I am pretty sure my brain turned off, but the pavement called. Finally the turn for the finish, through the grass and I even passed a gal in the last 200 y, not sprinting, just keeping pace (which averaged 7:46). YEA FINISHED!!!!!!

I have never felt so tired after 91 minutes of exertion, but it was so fun. Each portion presented a unique set of challenges, all new to me. I thought I would be best at running, but have decided that the swim is really my best and my favorite. My biking is still pretty slow, but I have two months to keep at it to get ready for IG. And running after the other two will only get easier the more I do it.

I have officially reached the point after a race where "it hurts and I'm tired", but I am still really pleased with the day. (1:31)

The race was very well run and the whole experience was positive and friendly. Woo Hoo!

Race Day

My first triathlon is tomorrow. I have been doing races (running) for almost six years now and am not particularly nervous at the start. This is a whole 'nother deal. I have double checked and packed my race day stuff twice. I have hassled my dear husband several times about making sure we have the air pump and asked him to remind me about my wetsuit several times too.

To think that five months of training will come down to about 2 hours tomorrow morning...whew. Scared, Excited, Relieved....

Report to come.

Farm Fresh Fiber

I love my CSA! A friend/colleague and I have purchased a share of Community Supported Agriculture from a local farm for the summer. She and her husband and I and my beloved will share a family size serving of farm-fresh produce every week for 15 weeks.

We picked up the first share of veggies last night and were blessed with a bountiful harvest of lettuce (two kinds), radishes (still dirty!), arugula, chard, beets, and something called a garlic snape! The first few bites of the lettuces were incredible last night. I refused to douse it with ranch and went out of the way to make fresh lemon vinegarette to lightly moisten and bring the flavors together. It was the best salad I had ever eaten.

I spend a ginormous amount of our budget purchasing organic fresh and sometimes local produce. The amount we spent to receive our first harvet was pittance in comparison. Plus, we know we are supporting a local farm and the family who owns it.

A double blessing or a good karmic act if you ask me. Plus, it's delicious!

CSA's, you simply must try it.

Yea for Tech in the Classroom

This year has been a very difficult struggle with my chorus. It is a tough situation for all of us, half the group wants to sing, half doesn't want to be in band so they choose chorus. We rehearse 26 kids in a room built for about 10, after recess, needless to say it is generally physically uncomfortable and mentally taxing.

With the concerts for the year almost officially over, we have had three classes to make a 180 departure from our singing. The students are researching music from a variety of era's from the 1940's-1980's and creating power points to present the information to their peers.

I have seen these children completely change. For the most part, they are motivated and focused. They are realizing how much work they have to do before our last class on Thursday, when they present.

They used the tech lab (thanks ABD!) and today my puny room became a tech lab with laptops and wireless for them to work on their projects. I was able to monitor their progress by watching the documents saved to the shared folder. They all had the chance to request music from my itunes library and if I didn't have it, I bought it for them (the best three bucks spent all week).

The last two months have created a world of possibilities for how I can improve my teaching and use technology to help kids learn and experience music. I have become almost possessed with the desire to use "it all right now". Given the reality that school ends in 5 days, I think that I will just have to get all the ideas down and look forward to a great year next year.

I am taking Orff this summer. It is a standard and time tested pedagogy for teaching music. I am really looking forward to it as I think it will help me understand the process for musical knowledge acquisition on a deeper level. I hope, however, that I will still find a way to integrate my new love for using web 2.0 tools in the context of classical pedagogy.

I have never left a school year so exhausted yet at the same time very excited to return and start anew!

If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy

Driving home past 10pm last night from a concert, I passed a church on a very busy street. As many churches do, it has posted a witty "proverb" to stimulate the thoughts of rushing commuters. "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy".

This is definitely me, this month. I feel like I am currently at mile 18 of a marathon and I am running out of steam. No amount of GU or gatorade is going to help me at this point, it is all fight or flight.

I know that exercise and eating right will help fight illness and fatigue, but where does sleep and low stress play into it? Where is the happy balance of those four things in the midst of complete chaos? Perhaps it IS in prayer. Perhaps the fatigue and illness are God's way of intervening in a life of busy nothingness, pushing us to idle everything. So why is it that I (we?) ignore sickness, stress, restless sleep, eating habits and forsake exercise and press on in our busy life of activity? Is it because when we truly have the time that we feel overwhelmed by the void of inactivity?

How can we change the world if we are so busy that we let it overwhelm us?

In the vast expanse of internet, the google search "busy prayer" gets over a million hits, but this link was just the answer, for right now.

Prayer for a Busy Day
In the midst of this most busy day,
I want to offer to you, most patient Spirit of God,
the poverty of my time. I always feel so rushed
and pressured, and it sometimes seems as if I think
that only the hours of this one day are limited.
Yet I forget that the hours of a lifetime are limited too.
So please slow me down, you patient God,
and help me to be aware that every moment is precious,
and that the sum total of my moments
on this earth are limited and so to treasure them
each and every one.

-- from the sermon " In Praise of Poverty"
by The Rev. Margaret B. Gunness.

Be careful, its addictive

Our incredible, amazing, and talented tech teacher at school has just given me a new reason to be off-task, but in an thoughtful and forward thinking way. Ninging I have now found yet another way to connect to the global community through technology, but this way just happens to be purposeful and meaningful (unlike, I feel, the social/teen focused MySpace).

In the last 18 hours, I have joined three ning communities: Global Education, WeAreTeachers, and NextGen Teachers. Each with its own purpose, but a common theme of reaching across the digital divide and making connections to improve teaching and learning in a global way. Woo Hoo. That sounds good to me.

I often feel isolated in my little sweet cubbie of a classroom, but I realize now that if I reach out through this global community that perhaps I will find others out there who wish to use technology, new methods, or just make human connection as best possible through fiberoptic cable.

I'm thinking I need to start my own ning...music teachers unite perhaps?

Beware, ning connections might cause global advancement of teaching and encourage you to become a better teacher and a more open minded individual....Use with caution.

Peace.

Will I ever go back?

This weekend was all planned out Friday night with husband, Saturday race with kids, Saturday night with sister, Sunday morning ride/run and then church. I made it through to Saturday night and then illness took hold. To the point where I slept like a teenager in a growth spurt, until 10:30. No bike ride/run and definitely no church.

It has been a long time since I have been to church on a regular basis. Of course, I went for Palm Sunday and Easter to my Mom's church, but it is not my favorite place because of years of baggage. We spent some of the winter month's attending the Catholic church, but I cannot get over some basic tenets of Catholicism that I think are plain wrong. Plus, husband did not really want to go there, it was just what felt comfortable as the worship of his youth.

I love God. I know that when I seek out God through prayer and worship...through study and song that I am a stronger, more focused individual. So why is it that church has such negative feelings or lack of initiative for me right now? Our experiences as a pre-married/married couple at our parish ended up being so negative that dear husband may never return to the Episcopal church. I was so hurt by his hurt by so-called Christians, that I certainly do not want to return to that parish. But starting a new is such a tedious process. You simply must want to do it in order for it to be accomplished. Church is not going to come out and get you. You have to go out and knock. Jesus said "Seek and ye shall find" He meant you have to seek. It won't just drop on your doorstep. A relationship with a church community doesn't just go poof.

And once again, the burden lies upon us. We must take time, effort, and courage to walk into the doors of a new place. We will be self protecting, of course, to not be drawn into a community only to see its horns of racism, elitism or fundamentalism. But, at the same time, we must open our minds to worshipping in a community that will not be uptopian. To find a community in which we can rejoice in God's goodness, fellowship with others, and serve for the greater good while at the same time acknowledging and accepting its flaws.

The journey of faith is not finite. The love of God does not cease because one does not walk into a house of worship. This particular stop on the road, or hover, is not an end point, but merely a new beginning. I will go back to church and I will take the first step on the new road.

I'm just not there yet. And it is ok.

Peace.

Go Hokies!

So the bloodshed at VT is all we have collectively been hearing about on the news since Monday. Rightfully so, a horrific and tragic event that has sent families into mourning, and students/educators/parents into an odd mixture of fear, guilt, and sadness. I have watched the images, the interviews. I have read the timelines, the eye-witness accounts and the commentary. However, I wonder why the need for the public "Monday morning quarterbacking" of all of our nation's media. I find it abhorrent that before the deceased were even publically named, television hosts were insinuating that the school had made the wrong choice by not going to lock down, by keeping campus open. Hindsight is 20/20 and during the initial period of grief and fear, it is completely inappropriate. I was so pleased with the articulate and thoughtful VT students who, when speaking to Matt Lauer, Anderson Cooper and the like, were quick to refrain from judgements against the schools decision-making process and quick to return the conversation to the positive aspects of the VT community. These students are the reason that VT will recover from this tragedy and once again thrive as a close-knit intellectual community.

My other thought in the midst of all of this is our response, particularly as educators and parents, to the warning signs exhibited by those who become school murderers. The media is clearly articulating that this particular murderer fit the tell-tale profile. A former professor of the shooter is now coming out to say that she had alerted officials and law enforcement to no avail. Again, doing some hindsight analysis, but how DO we as educators identify elements in our students that are beyond a "little odd". Is it within our understanding or training to recognize when a student is beyond "different" and in the realm of "psychopath". In an age where we are quick to label children for all sorts of disorders with all sorts of names (ADD, ADHD, ED, LD, BD, MR = IEP, LRE, 504 etc....)Are we reticent to admit to ourselves or our educational community that behavior that is anti-social can lead itself to that of violent? Are we fearful of labeling kids who demonstrate such behaviors for fear that we will further alienate their sensitive souls?

I do not have the answers, just merely the questions. At the end of this time to question, I shall continue to pray. For healing for the VT family, for patience and acceptance for those who which to judge the actions of the leadership, and for peace to the minds of troubled young men and women out there who see no other escape from their pain than to hurt others.

Peace of the Lord be always with you.

So this is what a hot dog feels like...

I wore my wetsuit for the first time today in water. It was an amazing floaty feeling! However, dry land in my wetsuit truly helps me understand what it must feel like to be a sausage or a hot dog. I think I may never be able to look at them the same way again!

Overcoming Fear

As I continue on this journey towards joining the pack known as Triathletes, I find myself having more and more mixed feelings. The perfectionist in me wants to be good at each sport right away and then build up to a semi-competitive state. However, the reality I must face is that on the bike, I down right suck. My muscles that propel me through the water and push me step by step on the road, just do not function the same when attached to 30 pound metal and chain contraption.

Sports psychologists (and regular ones for that matter) talk a lot about positive self-talks. There is even an article in Runner's World this month that talks about mantras. I think that if I'm telling myself I suck on the bike, of course I will suck on the bike. Then there is that whole fear of falling down.

My dear friend (a soon-to-be IRONWOMAN!) went for an easy ride with me this week and said "what will happen if you fall down?". I went on to describe that honestly, even my slow yet bloody and scary crash last summer wasn't all that bad, we still finished the ride. So what is it I'm afraid of exactly? The speed, the wind, the cars, the left turns from a complete stop? Why is it that my cadence is so incredibly slow?

Perhaps it is fear that if I work really hard at this that I will reach a level similar to that in swimming and running, where I have to work even harder to maintain mediocrity?

Perhaps it is not fear of failure, but rather fear of success?

Children will listen...

Conversations in the last few days have led me be very cognizant of my speech. I have been very disconcerted at the words adults have used to describe each other and children. I have been made uncomfortable by the language used in the presence of colleagues, parents, strangers, and even, our children.

I believe that all children should be spoken to so they may understand. I also believe that as teachers, it is imperative that we hold onto the notion that all children are good. Don't get me wrong, children do make bad choices, but children are not bad. They are learning and growing, trying and failing, succeeding and sliding all at the same time. They are pawns to the circumstances in which they have been born and we must raise them up, through our example, our teaching, our learning, and our love.

With that said, we as educators must use language with our children and each other that is reflective of that belief. I don't just mean refraining from foul language, because that is just a small piece. But as we speak of children,we should use words that build them up, address their issues with hope, and validate their worth. When we speak in the presence of children we should be models for behavior and character.

Careful what you say, Children will listen (Into the Woods)....

tune in...drop out?

I read this article today about how ipods are changing the way we experience our environment.

It was funny to me because as I walked amidst the UT campus this weekend, it was amazing to me how many students were attached to either an ipod or a cell phone. I think I only saw a handful of these youthful undergraduates opening their ears to the world around them. I also did not see a single group of people "walking and talking".

For the record, I own several ipods and we are a five ipod/two person family. Itunes has changed the way I teach music and so has my ipod dock. I also could not function properly at this point in my life without my cell phone. I don't have a problem with college students owning or using these devices on a regular basis.

But.....

I recall all of the wonderful sounds I encountered walking amongst my college campus seven years ago. Clicking feet, rushing water, wind, the ever present construction site but most of all the conversations with friends. I did not have a single class in which I was the only music person there as we tend to travel in packs. Ah the lamenting, exuberation, and commiserating that we did from those very brisk walks from Fine Arts to the Union or all the way out to Garrett-Strong for science or government.

What do we miss when we plug in on the subway? What do we miss when we listen to the same 5000 songs but nothing new or no NPR? What do we miss when we don't get to hear the sounds of the earth around us, like rustling leaves or flying planes or even honking cars? What part of humanity do we miss when we tune out?

Or perhaps that is the point. Perhaps, we are becoming a more insulated population, more introverted and more able to disconnect from the onslaught of 24 hour news that shouts at us reminded us that the world is not quite uptopian.

I will embrace my technology and tune in for my 5000 songs, my podcasts from Princeton, and my workout mixes. But perhaps I will also tune out of technology from time to time and tune in to the world around me.

Her wings were flappin....

My dear friend and I just completed the Austin Half-Marathon on Sunday. We had lofty goals of 1:47 equaling 8:10 pace over 13.1 miles. This was a PR I had set on a pancake flat course in September and we knew that Austin would be major hilly, but we took a bite and chewed the course up.

We had each dedicated the race to a loved one. My friend to her Mom, who is fighting lymphoma and I to my Aunt, who recently passed from aggresive cancer. Keeping our minds focused on the fact that their battles were much harder than any little running race, we trudged up and down the hills.

We cruised through miles 1-8 and knew what was upon us, the dreaded 8-11 of straight up and down. Or rather UPPPPP and down. We had managed to maintain a sub-8 minute pace for most of the race, so there wasn't the usual social time that we normally share. Miles 8-11 were focused on those fighting disease and those who have left this world as courageous fighters.

It was as we approached what would be the final hill, as we hit the start of the 12th mile that we were in need of some serious angel wings. I am certain that my Aunt was flapping like a falcon from up above in her nest. She had brought us up and down but pulled us up that last hill and set us free on mile 12 as we remarked on the amazing courage that my friend's mom has shown in her battle. We charged through, minds focused on others, not us and had a final mile of 7:05 pace.

Hopefully those angel wings are taking a well deserved rest today. From me, the humble earth trodder, I offer my thanks.

The care of community

Several things have amazed me in the last week:

The thoroughly embracing and inclusive community that my Aunt and Uncle are a part of in their church. At my Aunt's funeral wake and mass, it was so obvious to me that they are part of a church community devoted to family, to care of each other, and to unsurpassed faith in the Lord Jesus. I have no fear for the care of my Uncle and cousins as I saw that their church family has them deep in their arms.

As we came home on Wednesday night, the plows had gone through our street blocking in virtually every car in the lot. But as we were driving up 10 neighbors were out on the cul-de-sac shovels and scrapers in hand, digging out every car. Even one of our littlest neighbors (probably just under age 4) had her pink shovel to lend a hand. It was this sense of community that gave me extreme joy and I became awash in the light of God as he shown through our neighbors.

My sister referenced the word "communion of saints" many times as we traveled to and from the funeral services. It isn't a phrase that I have thought of much in my spiritual walk. But these two very poignant instances of community have made very clear to me that we are amongst the communion of saints both here and as we travel to be with the Lord. If we look upon those around us as members of this communion, it certainly changes how we see them. How we look at them, treat them, care for them. Perhaps this different point of view is just what we need to find love around us.

Change it, Right Now!

I think it is quite perfect that I am taking a class on change for grad school this semester, as my school is taking on a great amount of change in the next year. I find myself in a place where it seems that one or two small changes or assessments can't be enough. I see that we are embracing a billion different changes, but no one can truly articulate what they are and why we are doing them. They are supposed to be creating excellence in teaching and learning, but it isn't clear what should be important and why it all has to be done RIGHT NOW.

I am not exactly questioning these types of changes. As a newcomer to this school from a public school where change was not introduced but dictated, I am almost enjoying sitting and watching the perspectives awash around me. Some are excited, some are angry, some are indifferent, some are frightened. It is almost as if our change process has to go through stages, like those of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' stages of grief before we decide that we shall either accept or reject the changes put before us.

The difference, however, between this school is that through it all, I find a large cohort of us truly dedicated to the education of our students. We are not collecting a paycheck, we are not doing this because we have to, we are teachers, because we love our students. We teach them because seeing them learn gives us a greater joy than anything else we could do in our lives. We will ride the waves of change because we know that if we hold on, and put forth our best, that our children will be ok.

Change in education is a great wheel. Only when someone is truly willing to embrace a flat tire and try something new (hover board perhaps?), shall change truly be enacted.

I could learn to hover....

In Memoriam

Yesterday marked the passing of my Aunt Nancy Thomas. She had a very short and very hard battle with cancer that seemed to have come from no where and take over her slight frame. After being ventilated this week, she made the choice to die peacefully instead of being kept alive through tubes and machines. I believe this was her greatest act of courage.

She enters the Lord's kingdom now, to shine down upon and await the arrival of her husband, John, her daughters Lori and Dale, son-in-law Jim, and granddaughter Elizabeth.

May her family be comforted by the knowledge that she has moved on from this earthly world, from her pain and suffering, to an eternal life of peace with our Lord.

a freebie day.

Yesterday was another single day snow day. Always a blessing for teachers and children (not so, of course, for parents....but alas). It was also a bit of a "freebie snow day", given that the sun was out and the small inch of snow melted away by mid-day. That did not stop me, however, from treating it as a completely socked in by weather type of day.

I often find that idle time gives me mixed feelings. As I spend most of my days and nights moving at full tilt, a day with a free schedule provides me with too many choices (clean the house? sit on the couch? read good books? plan ahead for lessons? Sleep? Run?) Usually I find my self whittling away the hours aimlessly and then realizing, as the free time is running out, all that I have needed to do. So I remain in a slightly less than clean house, books only halfway read, and lessons needing to be planned. But is a freebie day God's way of saying slow down? Or is it his way of declaring, I just gave you more time do what you've been putting off.

Hmmmm. I suppose I'll have to see on the next snow day.

Just Keep Swimming

Dory in Finding Nemo has the best attitude ever. Her mantra of Just Keep Swimming was definitely with me as I hit the cold water hard and fast at 5:15am this morning.

Embracing a new training schedule is always a little daunting, but two-a-days, bricks, and 5:15 am M-Th would have to border on insanity. Only three weeks into this whole shebang (and just two into the true tri schedule) and I am feeling surprisingly well. Approaching training from a completely different perspective has truly made me appreciate each new physical skill I gain or sharpen.

I have been out of the pool for 11 years, which is as many as I spent in it as a child. I have embraced my love of chlorine smell with full force and have felt a freedom that never truly manifests itself in roadrunning. Being in water and using my arms and legs to thrust myself up and down feels natural, comfortable, peaceful. Though I have to push to maintain speed or form, it is a great joy. As if I have been transported to another time or place and not here in this cold pool at O'dark:30.

This training will prove a very hard task for me, but with the feeling obtained by a few short laps in the pool, I will certainly "just keep swimming".

Who is welcome? Aren't we all?

I find myself, like every Christian or frankly any religious practioner at some point, at a major crossroads of faith practice. I do not question the existence of God, my belief in the birth, life, death, and resurrection of His son Jesus Christ, nor do I question the need for spiritual practice, being a part of a faith community or faith and good works. However, I find myself at this difficult place of how to practice and which community with which to practice.

As a cradle Episcopalian, I have only a few small diversions of the Anglican path, a short stint as a Presbyterian while in Kansas City (a great experience, but not a lifetime commitment) and six months amongst a non-denominational contemporary community (great worship, but like an onion, you must peel the layers to reveal the true aroma...) Now, having married a lapsed Catholic, being angered at my local Episcopal parish (NOT the church as a whole), and trying to complete a very full training schedule while working full time, I have found myself without a church home and struggling to find my place as a Christian. I am not the first Christian to struggle with finding the right theological and liturgical fit, I will not be the last. But it does weight on my heart so heavily.

I have attended the Catholic church many times in the last two months, with very devoted and educated Catholic friends, and have found moving and thoughtful preaching. But, as I am not a Catholic, I am often led to deep sorrow as we reach the time of Eucharist and I am not considered worthy to receive. Having been a part of an amazing inclusive community of the Episcopal church, it is unfathomable to me to be denied a place at the Lord's table for not following the same catechism or even if I have faithful beliefs, not being welcomed because I have not taken a course or completed a ritual. I often find myself wondering, didn't Jesus teach us to love and embrace all? Did he perform the Last Supper with his friends to teach us to do the same in remembrance of Him, but only if you are a member of this denomination? Did He sacrifice His life on the cross for all of our sins, or just those who follow a particular catechism, be it Catholic, Protestant, or Protestant-Evangelical?

On the flip side, I hesitate to return to a non-denominational setting as I have yet to find one that, once you peel the layers, is truly inclusive. I am so terribly uncomfortable with the "God doesn't change...Jesus hates gay people...the only issue in the church is gay marriage....we vote republican, if you're a christian you do to" mentality that is held by so many evangelical Christians today. Andrew Sullivan puts it best when he says "There are very orthodox believers who nonetheless respect the freedom and conscience of others as part of their core understanding of what being a Christian is."
As a believer in Christ, I do not see how it is Christian to not respect all of God's people and welcome anyone who wishes to seek God to our Lord's table? There are those who are incredibly firm in their faith practice and beliefs but understand that Jesus first taught us to love one another.

I shall not abandon my faith thought this step on the journey. I will not question the foundations, but must study further the theology, liturgy, catechism and whatever else you would like to name it behind the different versions of Christian community. Hopefully, through prayer and patience, the way will be made clear and my family will be led to a new church home.

In the meantime, I hold fast to the belief that regardless of one's espousing or pontifications that we are simply told to love one another.

Connections.

I started a new grad class last night and am so incredibly excited to have a professor who is thoughtful, knowledgeable, and organized. I can tell just by the first meeting that this class will be challenging, encouraging, and awakening for me.

As it was the first night, there was much talking and paperwork to attend to, and of course, the traditional first class "icebreaker". As we did our partner interviews and presented, it was quite amazing to see the connections between our small class of 11.

For example, I run marathons, so has another classmate who ran one for TNT which supports cancer research, another classmate is a cancer survivor. Then, a classmate said that she attended Barton College, not only is Barton my middle name, but I have a friend who attended Barton College (which is a very small college...). Next to find that a classmate has been on safari to Kenya, as I have been on Safari to Kenya. While these might seem silly and not so unique, they make lovely points of connections.

The most interesting connection between almost all of us is our greatest source of pride. All but two of us cited moving away from home and living away from friends and family to establish our independence as a proud moment. (The other two, cited their families as their source of pride) I find this fascinating as I believe that our life's travels are what give us the greatest education we could find.

Our class topic is change. We will study and apply change processes within the realm of school reform. I certainly think that our wealth of connections to each other and the world around us will bring great discussion and insight as we tackle the issues of change in our educational settings.

After a disappointed start to my journey in graduate education, I'm so pleased to have finally found a place amongst those eager to learn and eager to teach!

Life is a Highway...

My three and a half year old neice is obsessed with the movie Cars. It is kind of cool that she is obsessed with this movie rather than say, a princess or barbie movie...The other day I was driving her (and her sister) in her mother's car and she asked for "Real Gone" on the cd player (the Sheryl Crow song to which she knows all the words, such good taste she has....) and she said "play Life is a Highway next". Alas, I could not find it on the mix cd of Disney hits, but I have not been able to get Life is a Highway out of my head.

Though the words of the song, except the chorus, escape me completely, it is the title that strikes me as so poignant at this time in my life. My life in the last ten years has taken me up and down many highways, perhaps more than the average quarterlifer+. I have traversed I-70 more times that I care to mention to and from Kansas City, Missouri for four and a half years in college, though I must say that taking 64 is much more beautiful through the horse fields of Kentucky. Taking these roads showed me non-black and white cows for the first time, it showed me more sky than I knew existed, it showed me a world of people who are committed to their faith and will not be told anything else. It showed me greatest friendships, simpler life, and frankly, a lot of beer. That road was the first development of my independence and the beginning of my faith walk.

A quick detour up 71 took me to a teeny little town in Iowa. The loneliest (up to that point) I had ever felt. Living a life of absolute cookie cutter consistency. Wake Up, Eat, Drive, Work, Gym, Home. (church, choir Thursdays and Sundays, movies @ 2 on Sunday). I learned in this instance the beauty of being alone with God. This particular highway had me realize that I was not willing to settle in my life for what was easy or content. I'm so very glad to have taken an exit off this road quickly. Then just a quick trip down 71 and 29 I found my way back to a different kind of contentment. I learned of great teachers at during my exit in Kansas City. I also gained a true love of worship music, which I still love today. But perhaps, the greatest thing I gained on my last exit in the Midwest was my first steps of running. They were not fast, and they certainly were not consistent or enduring, but they were the earliest building blocks of my life changes ahead.

Then came the year on the road. 3000 miles across from Washington, DC to Los Angeles, California. I have written extensively about this in other places that have lost their way in the abyss of the internet, but to cap the highlights. The first exit off of "The 10" taught me about diversity, being awash in the culture of Los Angeles was more eye opening to me than I could have imagined. On this stop, I also became star-struck several times, spent a lot of time in traffic and semi-conquered a fear of heights by living on the 20th floor with a floor to ceiling window (have you seen Fight Club? My apartment was blown up.....).

The next exit on the year on the road was Austin. I learned to love to run in Austin. Truly loved to run (and scull, even if for only a short time). Running became my refuge in a place where I was demoralized on a regular basis. I learned that a truly that diversity can exist in the same sentence as educated, that martyrs are sometimes more appreciated that efficient, hard workers, and that seeing someone carry a hand gun in their briefcase is frightening.

The almost final exit on my tour of duty led me to a place I hope never to return in Ohio. If I felt demoralized in Texas, I didn't know what would hit me until I came to Ohio. Again, running became my refuge. I came to the realization in this place that people can become content with mediocrity, that incompentence can be justified if it fits a racial quota, and that many who claim to be educators are merely bureaucrats in comfortable shoes. A redeeming value to this stop, my first marathon. Long, slow, painful. Joyous, proud, and bitten (by the bug to race long that is...)

As I have spoken of before, my next road in life's journey led me back to California. IT was here that I realized that family had to be first, being in a classroom with children was more important to me that being a talking head, and that if you truly love something, you must set it free. I also learned that just because you live at the beach, doesn't mean you go.....

My journey back across I-70 and home to my family has brought me so many rich blessings. Returning to the thros of education, both public and independent has made me realize that God has given me such a gift. I get to spend my working days with kids, the most amazing people on the planet. I have also come to realize that if I missed any more time from my neices' childhood that I would come to regret the loss. Watching these two girls grow and change is incredible and I hope a good model for me when I decide to embrace motherhood. My running has changed since I have come home too. A different blessing in all of its own, new health, new friends, and a confidence that comes from knowing that I can achieve great things with hard work and the support of others.

My life could not have been as rich if I had not taken that highway ten years ago. The roads have been long, I've watched the seasons change in many states. I have seen the highest mountains, the hottest deserts, the great plains, and the deep blue sea. God's creation is a marvel, God's people are a gift, and God's plan is not always straight and narrow. Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long.